Internal love
by DipDyeGirl93
Summary: Bella and Edward meet at a wedding, they get drunk and end up sleeping together. Edward has a son he just can't understand, but he try's, they both have their own horrible past's. Can they help each other, by admitting their feelings? Or will they put other's needs before their own? before it's too late? Drama! ExB, JxA, EmxR, CxEs. Thank you ;)xxx
1. Chapter 1

_**Internal love **_

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_**Chapter 1**_

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_**BPOV(Bella)**_

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_**Rose-24, Emmett-25, Bella-26, Edward-30, Alice-28, Jasper-24, Carlisle-49, Esme-39, Andrew-15**_

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_**Tuesday, December 31**__**st**__**, 2013.**_

I had heard about Edward Cullen.

He slept around, never being with one girl for more than two weeks tops. People had warned me to stay away from him, I had agreed easily, I had given up on men long ago.

''Seriously Bella.'' Rose had stressed. ''If Emmett wasn't his brother, he would have hit on me.''

''Why are you warning me? What about Alice?'' I asked, Rose looked stunning, she always did, but today, she was shining. Her wedding dress hugged her top half, sucking her in, it proofed out slightly at the bottom, with a strip of electric blue lace running up the side, getting narrower at the waist where it got thicker again. Her something blue. The dress was new. The veil was her mothers, her something old. She had borrowed my shoes- which I was surprised about, I wasn't what you would call fashionable, but she fell in love with the light blue denim high heels.

I thought she would want all white, which she kind of did. But with a splash of blue.

Alice piped up then, adjusting her boobs in her bridesmaid dress, it was the same color blue as the lace in Rose's dress and had a white ribbon around the waist, mine was identical. ''No offence B, but I can fight him off, he's my partner on the force, he's not as bad as Rose is saying, maybe you should go for it.'' Alice winked at me, flicking her short raven hair from her face.

''Do you really think that lowly of me? I don't even want to talk to him.'' I defended.

''Too bad.'' Rose said before grinning wickedly. ''Your maid of honour, he's best man, he's walking you down the aisle honey.''

Fuck my life.

''He can't be _that _charming, can he?'' I asked, too nervous to even sip my coffee.

''I heard he's slept with all the females in on the force.'' Alice said, discussed.

''Yeah?'' I retorted. ''They were probably just lonely, Horney people who weren't getting any.'' I dismissed the fact that I was defending them.

Alice snorted. ''But half of them were married!'' A look of pure terror crossed her face as she and Rose looked at me, their hair whipping, smiles fading.

I looked away, sour subject. ''I stick to my original statement.'' I said firmly, avoiding eye contact. ''They were probably just lonely, Horney people who weren't getting any.''

Alice's eyes turned mocking. ''Honey, you're a lonely, horney person who isn't getting any.'' She noted.

Rose snickered. ''There's a difference.'' I argued.

''Which is?'' Rose asked, finishing touching up her make-up.

I pointed both of my thumbs at me. ''I am not a slut.''

Alice and Rose both turned to look at each other, unable to hold it in anymore, they burst into laughter.

''Hey.'' I shouted. ''Ugh, common Rose, it's one, let's do this shit! It's time to get you hitched!'' I cheered and a big grin illuminated her face.

''I'm getting married.'' She whispered in awe, she blinked back tears and I tried not to cry, Rose was not one for showing emotion.

''That is of course if Emmett goes through with it.'' I joked.

Rose hit me.

Rose was twenty four, almost twenty-five while Emmett was almost twenty-six. Emmett popped the question when they were twenty-two, they were meant to get married when Rose graduated college, getting her engineering degree, they found out she was pregnant, but she miscarried and they postponed it for a year.

''I'm joking.'' I defended.

''Besides.'' Alice said, picking up her pink flowers. ''I'll arrest him if he does that.''

''Arrest him for what?'' I wondered.

''Being a dick.'' She said, rolling her eyes as if it was obvious.

''If you arrested every man who has ever been a dick there'd be none of them left.'' I pointed out.

''True.'' She mused, Rose clapped her hands to get our attention.

''Great now you two just had the weirdest conversation fucking ever and I'm late, and not fashionably.''

''Oh god fine, let's go!'' I urged. We were getting ready in my house. Rose was avoiding her ex, who had made surprise appearing recently, trying to get her back, but he treated her like the scum of the earth and Emmett was her world now. So her house was out.

So was Alice's, as her roommate was home and a real pain, honestly, I don't know how Alice put up with Lauren.

So that left my house.

In true Rose fashion, we climbed into the limo, it was black with a big white bow tied around it, before we got in Rose ripped the bow off, 'Tacky' she had explained.

The journey there was filled with champagne and talk about Rose's honeymoon, Emmett hadn't told her where they were going, it was a surprise, they were going to Europe.

I was happy for them, they had been together for five years. Alice, being two years older than us, also my first cousin and best friend, was on the police force for a year when she got a new partner, Edward Cullen.

She raved and ranted, and hated him, there was an office Christmas party on five years ago, Edward brought Emmett and Alice brought Rose (I was in the hospital and insisted that they go without me) that was where Rose and Em met, and fell in love. I had never met Edward.

Dear lord, but I had seen the pictures.

His untidy hair, in permanent 'I just had amazing wild sex all night' style, it was bronze, I had never seen someone with bronze hair before. I loved it. His eyes were a piercing green that turned me to goo. And he had the panty-dropper smile.

Ugh, that smile.

''. . .and I just can't wait to see him, after four years!'' Rose exclaimed, talking about her twin brother, Jasper, who had just finished in Iraq. Sent home with PTSD, no one knew exactly what happened out there, and I don't think I could handle it. He was glad to be back in New York.

I personally was worried. ''Do you know what sets him off?'' I wondered, my voice barely a whisper.

They turned to look at me, Alice scooted down and wrapped her arms around me. ''Your fringe is so secure in place, and it's covered, you barely notice it, honestly.''

I sniffled, placing my hands on Alice's arm, looking up at Rose and blinking back tears. ''I'm sorry.'' I said. ''I didn't mean to. . .'' I wasn't sure what I was going to say, but she cut me off anyway.

''Bella, I think you are perfect, you know that? Right? And, I really wouldn't suggest this if I didn't have to, but you're hurting, honey, het me pay for. . .''

''No.'' My voice was cold.

''I don't think you need it, but I want you to feel confident, comfortable.''

''I get it, honestly, I do, but plastic surgery is expensive and I don't want it.''

She nodded and the limo came to a stop, I knew she had good intentions, but you hear all those horror stories of surgery going wrong and I'd rather stay like this, it was only a small scar after all.

Alice got out first, followed by me and then Rose. There were some people gathered around, gasping when they saw the dress, the people made their way back inside, someone informed the church the bride was here and the music started.

We entered the church and I found it hard to concentrate when my eyes zoned in on Edward.

Oh fuck, he was even better in person! I needed new panties, badly.

My nipples tightened and I cursed this silk dress to hell, the way it was designed. I couldn't wear a bra.

But it was cold, very cold out. And Edward was hot.

Oh god, I was screwed!

I was up next, and didn't register much, I was the maid of honour and I was freaking out. I linked arms with Edward, ignoring the warmth that spread through me, I ignored the way my arm fit with his, and I definitely ignored the way he smirked down at me.

Stupid arrogant ass.

The ceremony flew by, Alice had entered into the church after me and Edward, Jasper on her arm, followed by Rose, who had been disowned by her father when she broke things off with Royce so she was given away by Carlisle.

The church was cold and smelt like flowers.

That's all I remember.

At the reception in the hotel, my speech was short and sweet, like Alice told me.

''I have known Rose since we shared an apartment in college together, she and Alice have been there for me in my worst times, as I have in her's. You are my sister. I haven't known Emmett as long, but when I saw his giant child face I knew he was perfect for Rose. You guys have had your up's and down's, but I love you both.''

Alice wrote it for me, Rose didn't need to know that.

I saw Emmett talking to who I presumed was his nephew, did I mention that Edward was a thirty-year-old and had a fifteen-year-old son? No? well, everything has some baggage, though I wouldn't exactly call a child baggage.

I excused myself then to go to the bathroom. Feeling nervous for some reason, my stomach dropped and a thick lump formed in my throat, making it hard to swallow.

After a five minute walk I got there, not before I took ten wrong turns, this hotel was massive, but I suppose it had to be to fit all of Rose and Emmett's guests. I did my business quickly, walking out of the stall I caught someone just leaving, halfway through the door. That's when I understood why I had the sinking feeling.

''Leah?'' I asked. ''What are you doing here?'' She was dressed as a waiter, like the ones who had delivered our food, her hair was cropped short up to her ears, it is pure black, and used to be long and shiny, like her mother's.

She shrugged, an evil glint in her dark brown eyes. ''Were you invited?'' I asked wearily, knowing she wasn't.

''Yes.'' She said easily. ''Me and Emmett are on very good terms.'' Leah was Emmett's ex, she was still hopelessly in love with him, and wouldn't give up, I had to get her out of there, I was torn between washing my hands or following her.

By this time, however, I had drunk two glasses of wine and was slightly tipsy.

I don't usually drink much, but I would regret it in the morning.

Especially since Leah slipped out of the room then. I wet my hands lightly, that would have to do! I ran after her, going down the hall of the hotel the reception had been held in. My shoes were starting to annoy me, so I took them off and hiked up my dress slightly, so it wasn't dragging off of the ground.

I really hated alcohol, it fogged up my brain and memory. Rose and Emmett were talking about getting a restraining order put on Leah, I supported them, though they understood why I wouldn't, her being my kind of ex-step sister and all. Her mother, Sue, had married my dad, Charlie, and I had barely spoken to Leah since our parents both died when I was seventeen.

I started to fall, I sucked in a breath and threw my shoes to one side, preparing to kiss the ground gracefully. When strong arms wrapped around my waist, wrapping around me and groping my boob.

''Hey.'' I hit the hand away, outraged. His hand moved to my arm.

Edward held up his hands, smirking slightly. My heart fluttered. ''Sorry, accident.''

''Ugh, I don't care, serially, Leah's here.'' His hand flexed on my arm, his eyes grew cold instead of mocking and he frowned.

''Shit.'' He hissed, clamping his eyes shut before reopening them. ''Which way did she go?''

''I don't know, got a bit distracted with the boob groping, which was not appreciated by the way.'' I raised an eyebrow. I think he sensed my lie, I liked the groping, and I wanted more, I wanted his hands on me.

He smirked. ''Common.'' He sighed, picking up my shoe's. ''We have a wedding to save.''

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**EPOV(Edward)**

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I sighed, staring into the sexy eyes of this goddess. ''Common.'' I said. Deciding to save her the trouble, I picked up her shoes. They were death traps. ''We have a wedding to save.''

She rolled her chocolate brown eyes. My pants grew tighter. ''Let's do this.'' She said. ''You can let go of my arm now.''

''No thank you.'' I replied. ''I'm not missing the chance to walk into a room with a beautiful girl on my arm.''

''How many other girls have you called beautiful?'' She glared at me, trying to break her arm free, this time I let her.

There it is, my past come's back to haunt me again.

Groping her wouldn't have helped.

''Not a lot.'' I defended quietly. ''Not recently.''

She looked at me quizzically, not understanding.

I shrugged, spearing her the gory details of my messed up life.

We made it back to reception in silence, she seemed to be concentrating hard on something.

It took us a minute or two to get there, I opened the door for her and that's when I spotted Leah, her hair was cropped and it was hard to pick her out from the crowd, but I did, she was wearing a waiter's outfit, caring four glasses of wine, heading straight for Rose, suddenly her white dress seemed to shine.

Leah was only a few feet away from Rose when Bella suddenly dashed away from my side and hurtled towards Leah. She got there just in time, Leah was just about ready to throw the wine. When Bella crashed into her, Smearing her and Leah with wine as the glasses crashed to the ground.

''Bella!.'' Rose gasped, going over to Bella, but I got there first, picking her up, security came over and escorted Leah away. Thankfully it was my day off.

''Oh thank you!'' Rose said. ''Best MOH ever!''

I looked at Emmett, he stared back. ''MOH?'' he mouthed, I shrugged, pretending not to know. I wish I didn't, but thanks to a certain pixie I knew. Maid of honour.

Emmett came up to me, passing me another beer, my brain was foggy enough but I accepted it anyway, the girls chatted about what a bitch Leah was and after more speeches, cake and dancing, Emmett and Rose went out front, and he told her about the honeymoon.

''We're touring Europe! Starting with Ireland.''

Emmett was giddy, he had always wanted to visit Ireland.

Rose squealed. Turning to Alice and Bella. ''I'll bring you back a leprechaun.''

''Good luck with that.'' Bella said, laughing slightly.

Her laugh engrossed me, I couldn't understand it, I hadn't been _with _any woman for almost a year, I had been on dates, lots of dates, shared few kisses, but it never led anywhere, it could have gone on to something more, well, with most of them, but something was different, something wasn't right.

But ever since she had linked her arms with me in the church I couldn't stop myself when I was around her.

Damn. I needed to get laid.

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**BPOV(Bella)**

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I had drunk too much.

I made it back to the hotel room, it just wasn't my hotel room. The door clicked shut behind us and then I was pressed against the wall, his lips found mine, needy and passionate.

Edward groaned, pressing his hard member into my thigh.

I had definitely drunk too much.

I would regret this in the morning. But right now the need I had for him was too great, his hands trailed down my arms to my legs where he forced them apart, putting his hands under my thighs I wrapped my legs around his waist, groaning, there was only light fabric separating us.

That's all I remember.

I woke up the next day, head banging, completely naked, legs tangled with Edward's. Edward, who was also naked, had wrapped his arms around me, I was curled into his side.

''Shit.'' I groaned, trying to pull away.

His grip tightened around my waist tightened, I frantically broke my hand free to flatten down my hair, it was still in place, I don't know how Alice did it. She should have been a fashion designer, not a police officer.

Slowly, last night began to filter back to me.

Oh god.

I slept with someone I barely knew.

Crap.

''Bella.'' Edward groaned, pulling my chest flush with his.

I managed to get free, I was a bit sore down south, I hadn't been with anyone in four years, and he was big.

''Get back to bed.'' He groaned, I had picked up my dress and handbag, clutching them to me, trying to cover up my junk.

''No thanks.'' I dismissed, though I felt a strong pull to get back into bed

''Look, the shit you hear about me might be true. . .but then again it might be as fake at the bitch's who told you it.''

He got up, not wearing anything, and stretched out, standing at the end of the bed.

''What's that supposed to mean?'' I questioned, feeling the grip I had on my things loosen slightly.

He shrugged, smirking. I felt my heartbeat increase. ''It means whatever you want it to.''

''Fine.'' I sighed, dropping my things completely, feeling the pull take over. He raised his eyebrows.

I walked over to him, pushing him down on the bed, straddling his waist. ''This means nothing, got it?'' I asked, he nodded, smiling hugely. ''Time for round four.'' My eyes gleamed.

''Oh Bella, how drunk were you?'' He placed his hands on my hips, one hand stayed there, rubbing circles, moving dangerously closer to my inner thigh. His other hand travelled up my spine, stopping in-between my shoulder blades. He pushed me down to whisper in my ear. ''This is round five.''

He flipped us suddenly so I was on my back, I made sure my hair was still in place, covering my face.

I had never done this before.

And I would never do it again.

I would walk away from Edward Cullen.

In about an hour.

**This is a new story, my first whack at writing, would you tell me if I should continue? I update on Mondays. Thank you ;)xxx**

**-DDG93**


	2. Chapter 2

_**Internal love**_

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_**Chapter 2**_

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_**BPOV(Bella)**_

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_**Rose-24, Emmett-25, Bella-26, Edward-30, Alice-28, Jasper-24, Carlisle-49, Esme-39, Andrew 15**_

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_**Wednesday, January 22**__**nd**__**, 2014 **_

Three weeks since the wedding, I hadn't spoken to Edward, but that was OK.

''_Call me.'' I said as I left the hotel room._

''_You never gave me your number.'' He defended._

''_I know.''_

That was it.

I never even gave him the chance to call me, not that I wanted him to, or that he would have. But I had given up on men a long time ago. What happened with Edward was much needed, and a one time thing.

The fact I was still obsessing over it should have told me something.

But I couldn't let Edward Cullen get to me, in any emotional way, he was bad news, for me, he would just break me.

Once I was done work at three (I was a high school English teacher) I drove to my house where Alice collected me and we had spent the rest of the day, shopping, talking and in her case, hitting.

She had really hit it off with Rose's brother, Jasper, but she said he had a lot of issues, a lot.

''You really like this guy.'' I observed after Alice had spent half an hour talking about his Sothern ancient, I didn't mind, I had to be distracted from the mind-blowing sex I had with a man I had known for a few hours. It was sex I wanted more of, desperately. Damn it, I had to stop thinking about _him._

I had only been with three men in my life, Paul (The asshole who I turned gay) Jacob (The asshole cheater) and Edward (the asshole player) I liked the player more than the cheater or the gay. Mainly because I knew Jacob was a cheater and that Paul didn't like boobs, but I wasn't so sure about Edward being a player. Sure I had heard all the stories, but he had said that what I heard about him was probably as false as the bitch who told me. If we were going with Jessica, or any of her friends, I would have to agree that none of the stories were true then.

''It's bad, bells, real bad.'' Alice sighed. ''I've had one date with this guy and I'm falling hard.'' This was weird for Alice, she had been in a relationship with this douche, James, who hit her bad, this was in high school, and what prompted her to become a cop, she hadn't had a long lasting relationship since.

I shrugged. ''Some things in life just happen, you can't control them.''

''I know.'' She sighed, she was wearing her police uniform, she had work in ten minutes, we left her house, and she was going to drop me home before she left. ''Listen Bella, Jasper has this friend.'' She started, pulling out of the drive with ease, and she headed towards my house.

''No.'' I didn't let her finish, she didn't need to.

''Bella, Ben is perfect for you, cute, rich, and his girlfriend just dumped him for his dad, so he's free.'' She beamed.

''Fuck-a-Duck, Alice, how can you say that so casually?''

''I have a weird life, B just double up with me and Jazzy on Friday? Please?'' She gave me that puppy pout and I couldn't say no.

We pulled up to my house, but she wouldn't let me out until I answered, locking the door. ''Fine.'' I sighed. ''Where and when?''

''Yey.'' She squealed. ''That new fancy Italian restaurant, 'Twilight', do you know it? We have reservations for four at eight.''

Of course she had them already booked.

''Fine, I'll see you then pix.''

''So, you're not hung up on Edward?'' She asked, looking at me up and down.

''What?'' I squeaked. ''How did you know?''

''My room was next to his.'' She deadpanned. ''You weren't exactly quiet, plus you had that limp for two days after word.'' She snickered.

I glared at her. ''If you weren't in your police uniform I'd hit you Alice.'' I huffed, getting out of the car.

''You still love me.'' She called as I slammed the door to her stupid yellow car.

''Yeah, yeah.'' I muttered, stamping back to my door, she was long gone by the time I had the door unlocked.

My stomach jerked the second I stepped foot in the house, something didn't sit well with me.

I went into the living room, that's when I saw it, everything was trashed, couches and tables flipped, books ripped from the shelves, my TV smashed, my mirror broken. Someone had plugged in a CD player and 'Titanium' by David Guetta was playing scarily lowly, but the thing that really got me was the ear piercing scream/cry that came from the kitchen.

I ran in, someone had written on the wall with ketchup, to make it look like blood. 'I will not stop.' Was dripping from the white wall.

But it was the thing in the corner that made my knees buckle and the sobs to escape.

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**EPOV(Edward)**

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Alice was late, it was unusual for her, she was a very persistent pixie, I think she's been punishing me for sleeping with Bella.

Hell, so was I. I would be lying if I said I hadn't thought about her every day or that I would do anything about it, I didn't have time for a relationship, well, that's what I tell myself. Honestly I tell people that Andrew takes up most of my time, but he doesn't, I wish I was closer to my son, but ever since he was able to count and realised I was fifteen when I had him, he's been distant.

I can't really blame him either, which annoys me, but I really couldn't. I was fifteen when I became a father, he was an accident, but he was no mistake. I would do it all over again, no matter how much pain I would go through, I'd do it all for him.

My parents were disappointed with me, though they blamed Tanya, naturally. Everyone blamed her, hell I thought I loved her and I blamed her.

And because everyone blamed her, Andrew never knew her.

It was a regret I had in life, him not knowing her, but I don't know what good it would have done. Would he have hated me or her?

Just the thought of him hating me breaks my heart, he is my life, yes, I was lonely in the romance department, but I could live without that.

But I couldn't live with him hating me.

He had never really asked about his mother, not in detail, he asked her name, but I didn't have a picture, I just hoped to god he didn't google her. Emmett was the most supportive of me however, even more than Carlisle, he-for some unknown, weird, Emmett reason-thought me being a fifteen-year-old father was cool.

He's always been an idiot.

Andrew had moved school after Christmas break, he was-for the sake of reason-a geek. Not that I care, but some people were downright asses, he didn't have any friends at his old school, and I had a strong suspicion that he was getting picked on, so I suggested the move, for him to have a new start, where he knew no one.

It didn't work out too well.

Every day he had come home frowning, with a look saying he didn't want to talk about it, I think he should, I wanted to ask him, but our relationship was so strained as it is, I can't cope with much more.

He had my unruly red, tasselled hair, but his mother's crystal blue eyes, those eyes haunted me. Apart from the eyes, he was me when I was fifteen. Apart from I dressed better, and I had friends.

And I really didn't know how to fix this, what do I do? Go to the school, say what? My child, who is very misunderstood, has no friends, fix it.

Only he and the other people can, but I know, firsthand, how cruel some people could be. Tanya was a source of gossip when it became apparent that she was pregnant, she hadn't been seeing anyone, who was the father?

She had been in a relationship for six months.

A very secret relationship.

I was such a dumb kid, but Andrew was smart, at least I know in his current state he wouldn't have the opportunity to get someone pregnant for a while.

It was a blessing and a curse.

I wanted him to have friends, a girlfriend, I just didn't want what happened to me happen to him, but it wouldn't, there will be parent teacher meetings all next week, and I intended to inspect the school and staff.

That's when Alice bounced into the cruiser. Smiling like an idiot on crack.

''What's got you so happy?''

''Me and Bella are going on a hot date Friday.'' She beamed, studying my face, I kept my features the same, not letting her see my hurt.

It had been three weeks, stop being so irrational. ''Good for you.''

''So, you're OK with that?'' She asked carefully.

''Yeah.'' I said slowly, looking at her like she had two heads. ''Why wouldn't I be?''

She shrugged, when the radio started up, Alice answered it and we were to go check out a kidnapping. That's all we knew, the parents were in such a hysterical state they were hard to understand, or so we were told.

Alice ranted off the address, it was across town, and I started up the cruiser and pulled out. We were there in ten minutes, the parents were indeed in hysterics.

Kate and Garrett Woodley were the parents of a three-month-old, who had been sleeping upstairs, while they were also trying to take a nap, exhausted from being up at all hours, they had the baby motor on, but when they woke up, an hour later, baby Irina was gone.

''There doesn't seem to be forced entry, does anyone have a key to your house?'' I asked, Garrett, a tall man with sandy blond tasselled hair and blue eyes, answered, as Kate, a tall blond, was sobbing.

''Just her parents and our nanny.'' He answered.

''Well, we're going to need their names.'' Alice said softly. ''And a picture of Irina.'' At the mention of her name, Kate burst into another round of tears, Garrett continued to rub her back in soothing circles, looking torn.

''Carmen and Eleazar Denali, and Heidi fisher.'' He said, he then continued to tell us their address, we told them we would do everything we could. They gave us a picture, which we took, and we went to talk to the nanny, who lived three houses away, then we would talk to neighbours, to see if they heard anything.

''Thank god.'' Heidi exclaimed when she opened the door. ''I called, like, hours ago about my car.''

''What car?'' Alice asked. ''We're here to ask you a few questions on your neighbours, Kate and Garrett, I believe you take care of their three month old on the weekdays? Irina?''

''Yes.'' She said wearily, letting us in. ''What's wrong?'

''Irina has been taken.'' I said . ''Where were you at around three to five today?''

''Home.'' She said, her face palling and she gasped, bringing a hand to her mouth.

''What is it?'' I asked. ''Do you remember anything?''

''Someone stole my car.'' She whispered, biting her lip. ''I was upstairs and someone stole my car keys and my car. I didn't even notice.''

I was getting frustrated. ''Where is this going?''

Alice silenced me, I mumbled my apologies, but Alice wasn't a parent, those people were going through torture.

''Their house keys were on my car keys, you don't think?'' Tears sprang to her eyes. ''Oh god.'' She gasped.

''Thank you for your time.'' Alice said quietly. ''We'll be in touch.''

We walked to the car, Alice frowned at her phone, placing it to her ear. ''We should go to and look for witnesses.'' I said.

''No.'' She said in horror. ''We have to go to Bella's.''

''What? Why?''

''She's called me twenty-four times, I put my phone on silent, look, I'll explain on the way. Just drive.'' She gave me Bella's address and the drive there was spent with me trying to get information from Alice and her trying not to cry.

All I could get from her was that Bella's house had been trashed and she might have a lead Irina.

What did that mean?

When I pulled up to her house, that's when Alice spilled.

''Ok, so if you go in here you're going to need to know the bare necessities, when B was seventeen she started going out with this guy who was twenty, well when she was twenty and just done her second year of college she found out she was pregnant and that he was married. His wife was furious with her, and tried to hurt her.'' Her face paled and she took her first breath. ''She was sentenced to seven years for assault, but she was allowed possible parole in five years, it's been five years and I think she's back.''

I sat there, shocked, how was I to respond? I didn't know how to, but I didn't need to because Alice hopped out of the car and motioned for me to follow.

''Bella.'' Alice called out, opening the door. The first thing I heard was the soft sound of a song, 'You shoot me down but I won't fall/I am titanium/You shoot me down but I won't fall/I am titanium' I couldn't help but feel that there was a reason that song was playing.

''Alice.'' A small, horse, voice said from the kitchen, Alice ran and I followed close behind.

I was not expecting to see what was behind that door. Food pulled from the presses, sprayed around the floor, glass smashed everywhere. And in the corner, curled up, was the shell of a woman. Completely different from the Bella I had met three weeks ago.

In her arms, was a happy, sleepy, blond child, Irina.

''I didn't know who else to call.'' Bella sniffled. ''When you dropped me off, I just came home to this, and there, there w-was a b-baby.'' She cried.

I think I understood.

Alice had said she was pregnant, yet Bella didn't have a child. Someone was rubbing her face in the fact that for whatever reason, Bella didn't have a child.

I wanted to kill them

I don't know where that thought came from, or why I was so protective all of a sudden, but there was something about Bella Swan that made me want to protect her.

''Bella.'' Alice said gently, wrapping her hands around her. ''Where was Irina when you found her?''

''Irina.'' She whispered. ''She was over there in her carrier seat, crying, I picked her up and she stopped. Alice, it must have been Nessie, I know it was her, the wall.''

I followed her gaze to the wall. 'I will not stop' was written in what looked like ketchup.

''I think so too honey.'' Alice said gently. ''But for now, you go pack a bag, we'll bring this little one back home, and we'll get people in and check for fingerprints. You have a good alibi and you can stay at my house.''

''Why would I need an alibi?'' She glanced down at Irina and her features fell. ''They're going to think I kidnapped her? And what? Trashed my house?''

''No, B, listen, if they ask, you are my distant cousin, not my best friend, OK, I need to be on this case, but if it's too personal I can't, Edward won't say anything, so, all I am is a distant cousin, OK?''

She was right, I wouldn't say anything. ''OK.'' Bella agreed. ''Can we go now, we need to get this little one home.''

''Sure.'' Alice took Irina and helped Bella up, who was a little unsteady and stumbled, Alice couldn't do anything with the baby, I took a step forward and caught her, for the second time, before she face planted.

Then she looked into my eyes and promptly burst into tears. I still had her in my arms, not really knowing what to do, I looked at Alice, who rolled her eyes and hugged the baby, motioning for me to do the same for Bella.

So I did, I pulled her against my chest, resting my hands on her back she wrapped her arms around me. I tried not to think of how her body felt pressed up next to mine, or the scent of her strawberry shampoo that had become too familiar to me.

She looked embarrassed when she calmed down, Alice had rung Kate and Garrett, who were at the police station, giving their statement, they would be here in a few minutes along with more policemen. Bella went upstairs and packed a bag, which we put into the cruiser before everyone came.

And boy did things go down when everyone arrived. Kate ran up to Alice, took her baby, and started to cry again, Garrett was a little calmer, but the relief on his face was evident.

''Why aren't you arresting her?'' Kate hissed, glaring at Bella.

''Ms. Swan didn't take your child, right now our lead suspect is not Ms. Swan who has a foolproof alibi.''

''How have you had time to check it?'' Kate asked Alice, her eyes slits.

''Because she was with me, I dropped her off at her house not ten minutes before we arrived at your house.'' Alice said calmly, Kate didn't seem to buy it, but she had to, for now.

Bella was brought to the station for questioning, not as a suspect, but a possible witness, she was released a few hours later, she grabbed her bag and sat in Alice's car.

Before Alice left, our shift was over, she came over to me. ''That girl has been to hell and back, she was my best friend growing up, Edward, she hasn't smiled for a while in five years, but I'll be damned if I was to deny that the day after the wedding that she didn't have the biggest shit eating grin on her face. I'm making her go out on Friday Edward, she never goes out, I bet she would if you asked her.''

''I doubt that.'' I dismissed, but I desperately wanted it.

''I know she'll say yes, but don't let this chance get away from you, don't let _her _get away from you. I don't like that you slept with my baby cousin after a few hours of knowing her, but I would be a fool if I didn't realize how much you want each other, she won't make the first move, just do it before it's too late.''

''I will.'' I promised.

She smiled. ''Go home, say hi to Andrew for me.''

And with that, she left, looking exhausted and drained, trying to put on a brave face for Bella.

When I went home that night, I had every intention of hunting Bella down and asking her out, soon, but all that was wiped away when my boy walked through the door, sporting a big black eye.

''What happened?'' I jumped up, walking over to him.

He kept his head down. ''Nothing.'' He muttered, dragging his tattered bag at his feet.

''That is not nothing, who did this to you?'' I questioned.

''No one, it's fine.'

''Were you in a fight?'' I asked, hoping he was smarter than to fight someone.

''You really want to know what's wrong?'' he shouted, I was stunned, he never raised his voice, he had always been a quiet child. But with a painful jab I realized he wasn't really a child anymore, I didn't answer, so he continued. ''No one wants to be friends with a cop's son, OK, happy? You know what people my age want to do? They want to drink and do drugs, and have sex and throw wild parties that go on until morning, but you can't do that when a cop's son is there.'' His face was red and he was panting from his rant, he threw his bag onto his back and stomped upstairs, slamming his bedroom door.

Was he right? Was I the reason he had no friends?

**I know I said I'd update on Monday's, but due to school and life and friends, it is no longer plausible, so, Sunday's it is. Thank you for reading, tell me what you think.**

**-DDG93**


	3. Chapter 3

_**Internal love**_

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_**Chapter 3**_

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_**BPOV(Bella)**_

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_**Rose-24, Emmett-25, Bella-26, Edward-30, Alice-28, Jasper-24, Carlisle-49, Esme-39, Andrew-15**_

_**:**_

_**Friday, January 24**__**th**__**, 2014 **_

It was Friday, this dreaded date which Alice was forcing me on was in half an hour. I honestly don't know why she's making me go, she wouldn't let me go to work yesterday, I had to call in sick, but she deemed me fit for a date.

Honestly, I didn't want to leave the house. Nessie was out there somewhere. She was let out, but never checked in with her parole officer, a month later, this happens, there is now a manhunt for her. Apparently the family who she kidnapped the baby from were very rich, and were offering a fifty thousand dollar reward for her.

I was scared shitless, afraid she would try and kill me again. She was put away for assault the first time, but I knew if Alice hadn't visited me, she would have killed me, and she would try again, she wouldn't stop.

I shivered at the memory.

The doorbell rang. Alice squealed and Lauren, her annoying roommate scrawled. ''Keep it down.''

Alice said. ''They're here! Early, see Bella, this is why we get ready hours before.''

Sure Alice, whatever you say.

I remember Jasper from the wedding, his long blond hair and crazy, wild eyes, always looking around, open wide, scared. Alice went into his arms and they embraced for a second. ''Hello Jasper.'' I said politely. ''Good to see you.''

''You too Bella, this is Ben.'' He gestured to the man beside him, he was about my age, with round glasses and slicked back hair. Holding a dozen roses. I swallowed, I had never liked roses. Not anymore, Jacob used to give me roses, I had never told anyone though, so I took them with a smile, saying thank you.

I ran into the kitchen and asked Lauren to put them in water if she didn't mind, she licked her finger, flicked the page of her magazine and nodded.

Yeah, she wasn't going to put them in water.

Since Jasper had made the reservations and was the only one who knew where the restaurant was, OK, well, I knew where it was too, but I didn't let on. I didn't want to be alone with Ben. No offence to him, but he had barely spoken two words, and he seemed really shy.

So, not my type.

His hair was gelled back with what I hoped was gel, but I just wanted to ruffle it up. I didn't want to admit it, but I was comparing him to Edward.

I had been doing that a lot lately. Or in fact wondering if one person had the same eyes as him, or same color hair, or if it really was him.

It never was.

''So, what do you do?'' I asked him, we were sitting in the back of Jaspers car, there was no music on, Alice was just talking to Jasper.

''I-I'm a technical engineer.'' He stuttered, subtlety trying to adjust his pants.

Gross.

''Oh.'' I said, pretending to know what the hell that was. ''What exactly do, being a technical engineer?''

He went on to explain, stuttering a lot, a bead of sweat appeared on his forehead and he adjusted the collar of his dress shirt, as if it were choking him. He was hardly nervous of me, was he? Aww, how cute.

But I wasn't looking for high school cuteness.

''So'' He cleared his throat, not for the first time. ''What do you do?''

''Oh I teach English at Meyers High school. I love reading and writing.'' I gushed, I couldn't help myself, they were a passion of mine, I read every day and I want to be a published author, if only.

''Really?'' He asked, I was kind of offended at his surprise. ''What do you like to read?''

''Well, er, everything! Fantasy mostly, _Divergent_, _The hunger Games, Harry Potter_.'' On that last one he smiled broadly, explaining that his circle glasses were replica _Harry Potter_ glasses.

I pretended to fan_ girl _with _him. _Over the glasses, then he explained, in great detail, his trip to Orlando, Florida, when he went to _Harry Potter_ world.

I was going to kill Alice.

He then went on to tell me all the things he bought, like the wand, and cape, and the snitch.

First, I was going to stick my fingers into her eyes, or hold them open while she sneezes, and then. . .

''Bella.'' Alice sang, unbeknownst to the fact I was just imagining her death. ''We're here.''

''OK.'' I said, getting out of the car, Ben was already waiting with Alice and Jasper, we entered the restaurant one by one, Ben first, then Jasper, who held the door open for Alice, and then me. I felt awkward that he held it open for me, I wouldn't have minded if he didn't.

_Edward held the door open for you._

Shut up. God, my inner bitch was mean, but true. Edward had held the door open for me, at the wedding, it seemed like a small gesture, but right now, it held some meaning.

Jasper gave his name for the reservation and we were seated, I sat beside Ben, who was the first there, and ignored the way Jasper pulled out Alice's chair.

I don't know what's wrong with me today; I never used to mind before.

''Wait.'' Ben said, seeming offended somehow. ''You mean, you give away everything you make working?''

''Yes.'' I said quietly. ''I don't really need to work, I just love my job and I couldn't stand not working. When my dad, mom and step-father died they left me all their money.'' I don't know why I got so defensive, he shouldn't have been so shocked, but I was probably too quick to judge.

''Yes.'' Alice interjected, saving me. ''As Bella is my cousin, when she was seventeen she came to live with me and my mother, after her parents . . .died.'' She threw me an apologetic glance, it was still raw to me, losing my parents. ''Shortly after my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer, she's cancer free for the last five years, Bella always donates to Esme's foundation, she's trying to aim to get a million dollars for cancer research, she has over three quarters of a million raised. We're hoping to get there soon.'' Alice explained.

I loved Esme like she was my mother, she was first diagnosed with cancer when I was ten, but it was found quickly, she had therapy and it went away. Then, unfortunately, about seven or eight years later, she was diagnosed with breast cancer. She had an operation to get rid of it and it worked, but she was never really the same again.

Agoraphobia- anxiety in situations where someone thinks a certain environment is dangerous or uncomfortable, often due to the openness or crowdedness of the place. Esme is scared if dyeing, I had to face it, we all had to, everywhere she went, she shook, she can't control it, she takes anti-anxiety medication, and they help some.

But nothing can really take away the fear.

''That's really generous of you, I'm sure you must have a good reputation around here.'' Ben said, I felt like his eyes were accusing.

''Well the donations are anonymous, so.'' I shrugged, smiling a very, watery, smile. Was he suggesting that I wanted to get my name out there? So everyone would know what a generous person I am.

Because I didn't think that at all.

I didn't want people to think that.

At all.

Ben was a cute guy, I'll give him that. He was nice and sweet, at the start. He seemed shy, and scared, but now, honestly, I'm thinking he's a jealous prick.

Or something along those lines.

He was being a dick, worse than Edward.

Sigh, Edward.

I think he ruined me for all men.

Ass.

The truth was, and if I was being completely honest with myself here, I really liked Edward. There it was, now it was out my brain could not deny it any longer. Just the thought of him gave me the chills. I _wanted _him.

Again.

Ben was now talking about when he was scratched in the face by a cat.

''It almost got my eye, very traumatic.''

I noticed Jasper clenching his fist, Ben seemed obvious. Alice was rubbing Jasper's knee, soothing. Jasper had PTSD, he knew what real trauma was, he's been to war, but yet here Ben was, talking about a battle with a fluffy kitten.

Alice tried to lighten the mood then. ''I've never really been through something like that, unless you count finding _fifty shags of gray _in your mothers bedroom traumatic.'' She shivered.

I chocked on the sip of whine I was taking, pounding my chest. Ben hit my back, which frankly, made it worse. ''Maybe you should cut back on the wine Bella.''

It was my second glass, I blushed, remembering the last time I drank wine.

_Edward smexy times._

I took another sip of wine, I was being juvenile, but no one tells me what to do.

Unless you're Alice.

The rest of the date dragged on, so I decided to text Alice. _I hate u. :'( _I typed.

_Common, he's not tha bad!_

He began to discuss brain cells.

_Bathroom? _She suggested.

_U didn't need 2 text me tha. _I scrawled.

_Neither did u._

I sighed. ''We're going to go bathroom.'' Alice said, standing up and pecking Jasper on the cheek, I got up and walked away quickly. I heard Ben muttering to Jasper. 'Why do they always go to the bathroom in packs? What do they do?'

We bitch about you.

''Alice.'' I groaned when we entered the bathroom. ''I mean.'' I looked between her and the door five times, eyes wide. ''What the fuck?''

She was rooting for something in her purse, she sighed, looking up, shoulders slumping. ''I'm sorry.'' She sulked. ''I promise not to set you up on a crap blind date ever again.''

''Promise to never set me up on a blind date _again._'' I tapped my foot, she hesitated, looking pained.

Then we heard Ben, through the door, complaining rather loudly about my wine drinking and asked Jasper if I drank often. ''Fine.'' She pouted. ''Stupid idiots.''

''Who were you calling an idiot? Me or Ben?'' I questioned, suppressing a yawn, I was really tired, I just wanted to go home.

She looked me up and down with a quirked eyebrow, as if to say _you of course. _But she said _idiots _as in more than one, but when I asked her again if she meant me and Ben, she made it clear it was me, but she never said it was Ben.

I shook my head. Who else would she be calling an idiot?

**:**

**:**

**:**

**EPOV(Edward)**

**:**

**:**

**:**

''You don't have to be here.'' Andrew's face twisted up in pain.

I snorted. ''Don't be stupid, no one is here to see us.'' His cheeks gained a pink touch. I knew it; he was embarrassed to be here with me.

I remember how that felt, to be embarrassed by your father. But he couldn't even walk, of course I would be here, his leg was broken, I was no doctor and even I could tell that.

A very fake blond nurse came out then. ''Andrew Cullen.'' I stood up before he could, the waiting room was empty, apart from a fifty year old woman.

I nudged the wheelchair, silently telling him to get into it, he glared, looking darker with his black eye. ''I am not getting into that! I can walk!'' He stood up, letting out a moan of pain, clutching his leg he fell back onto the chair.

''It's either the chair.'' I paused. ''Or I'm going to carry you.'' I smiled. ''Bridal style.''

That got him up, I knew it would. ''If you and your brother would like to follow me.'' Nurse-I read her name tag-Mallory said. Gesturing for us to follow, winking at me.

This happened a lot, I didn't look thirty, mid to late twenties maybe, but no one really thinks he was my son. I didn't look old enough to have a fifteen-year-old, I know.

Before I could correct her, Andrew called out to me. ''_Dad._'' He emphasized the word, he hated when people got it wrong just as much as me, if not more. ''Is granddad here?''

I smiled, rolling my eyes at the nurses shocked face. ''Yes, he is.'' I replied. Andrew already knew who his doctor would be, this wasn't anything life threateningly serious, so Carlisle could work on family. Another reason I stopped sleeping around over a year ago, Andrew, I didn't want to affect him, and I knew, if I continued, he would be affected. Badly.

I pushed Andrew (despite his protests) to an exam room which Carlisle was already in, waiting.

''How's my favourite grandson?''

Andrew rolled his eyes. ''I'm your only grandson, I think.'' He looked at me, mocking. Stupid past. ''But I think I broke my leg.'' He winced when he pulled up his trouser leg, one look and Carlisle confirmed.

''I'll get you an ex-ray, might I ask how this happened?''

''I f-fell.'' Andrew looked guilty, lying, he had called when he was three blocks away from home. Saying I needed to go and get him

I didn't hesitate.

Carlisle nodded, leaving the room.

I sighed, not wanting to believe the reason why he had the broken leg, or the black eye. I didn't want to admit it.

But bullying happens, and I know it when I see it.

When Andrew was getting his ex-ray, Carlisle pulled me aside. ''Edward, if I were any other doctor, things might be a little different right now.''

''What do you mean?''

''Andrew didn't fall and break his leg; there's a big red welt, like a shoe, his legs, arms, and eye. If I were any other doctor, and you weren't a very respected cop and my son. My first instant would be domestic abuse.''

I flinched, I know he wasn't accusing me, but I had seen a lot of cases like these, fathers, or recently, a lot of mothers abusing their other half and or child.

It was sick.

''I think it's kids from school.'' I whispered. ''He won't tell me anything anymore, we used to be so close, now, I have to fight with him to get him to tell me anything.'' I looked away.

''Edward what is it?'' His concerned, father came out in him.

''When he came home with that black eye, two days ago, I asked him what happened, it took a while before he exploded and told me no one wants to be friends with a cop's son.'' I ran a hand through my hair. ''I get what he's saying, I do, but what am I to do?''

He was silent for a minute, before answering. ''Talk to the teachers, see if they've seen anything, get him to admit to you who is doing it, but not when you have that badge on, he needs a dad when he's telling you, not a cop.''

I put the heel of my palms into my eyes. ''I know.'' I broke. ''I am the worst father ever.''

''No you're not.'' He disagreed, smiling slightly. ''At least you know he won't get a girl pregnant for a while.''

A strangled laugh broke free from me. We started joking about that when I was twenty five, Andrew was ten and everything was at peace. ''That wasn't your fault.'' I argued.

''And this isn't yours.''

''How do you always know what to say?'' I wondered.

He patted my shoulder. ''Years and years of practice.''

When he walked away, I felt that pang of guilt again, that I was the reason for a lot of the pain in his life. When I found out I was having Andrew, mom got angry, ashamed, she said I would tarnish the Cullen's reputation, but I wasn't going to sign over my parental rights, she didn't know who the mother was when I told her. I told my parents I had gotten a girl pregnant, Dad was calm and almost happy/worried for me, mom went on a rampage.

She left dad, who was devastated but didn't blame me. But he didn't need to, I blamed myself.

A lot of that worry was wiped away when Andrew was born and for two weeks, things were looking up.

Then, _it_ happened.

Voices broke my train of thought, snapping me out of my memory's.

I walked to the reception desk, Carlisle had finished plastering Andrews leg and they were making their way back to the front of the hospital.

''I hate crutches.'' Andrew grumbled. ''I'm so uncoordinated.''

''No you're not.''

''Dad.'' He complained. ''It's three weeks into the new year, and this is my second time in hospital, so far.''

Point taken.

''OK.'' I heard the nurse say again. ''So what exactly is your problem?''

''Ugh.'' Came the familiar voice of an angel. ''I cut my hand.'' Bella said slowly. ''On a glass.'' She continued. ''and I need stitches.''

''I'm not a child, Bella.'' Nurse Mallory complained.

''Then stop acting like it, Lauren, you know what, never mind, I'll see you at home.''

I turned the corner, wanting to see her face, which was red and tear stained, she was clutching her hand, which was wrapped in a bloody towel. I saw red, she was hurt? I didn't understand the fiery pain that erupted from me at her pain.

''Bella?'' I asked.

''Edward?''

''Ms. Swan?'' Andrew gasped at the blood.

''Andrew?''

What was happening?

''You know Ms. Swan, dad?''

''Yes, she's friends with Alice.'' I swallowed. ''You know her.''

He rolled his eyes. ''Of course.'' He snorted. ''She's my new English teacher.''

''Cullen.'' She mused, sighing. ''I probably should have put the pieces together.''

That was the last thing she said, however as she swayed on her feet and I caught her as her eyes clamped shut and her body slumped, gravitating to the ground.

''Edward, bring her here, we don't know how much blood she's lost.'' Carlisle brought out a bed and I placed her on it, Doctors flanked her sides, removing her towel around her hand, it looked bad, she could have lost a lot of blood.

Andrew's face looked back up at me, our eyes connected and we both wondered the same thing.

What the hell just happened?

**I am in doubt if this story should be continued, but I will for the moment anyway, next chapter is where it gets mega interesting, things will be happening and the direction I want to take this story will be unfolding.**

**Text message translations for those of you who mightn't know.**

_**I hate u.**_** :'( **_I hate you (crying face)_

_**Common, he's not tha bad! **__Come on he's not that bad!_

_**Bathroom? **__Bathroom?_

_**U didn't need 2 text me tha. **__You didn't need to text me that._

_**Neither did u. **__Neither did you._

**Lol, please review?**

**-DDG93**


	4. Chapter 4

_**Chapter 4 Internal love**_

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_**Chapter 4**_

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_**BPOV(Bella)**_

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_**:**_

_**Rose-24, Emmett-25, Bella-26, Edward-30, Alice-28, **__Jasper-25, __**Carlisle-49, Esme-39, Andrew-15**_

_**:**_

_**Saturday, January 25**__**th**__**, 2014 **_

I woke up to beeping and a bright light, I blinked a few times, confused. When my eyes came into focus I saw I was in a hospital.

Then, it came rushing back to me.

I don't know why I didn't realize my new student, Andrew Cullen was Edward's son.

God, I am such an idiot.

I never knew his name, but they look the same! I should have figured it out.

''Ah! Bella, you're awake! Fantastic, I'm Doctor Cullen.''

The man was maybe in his forties with blond hair which was greying at the roots. ''Cullen?'' I asked, before I could stop myself.

He chuckled. ''I guess you know my son and grandson?''

''Alice is my best friend, and I teach English at Andrew's school.'' I blushed. ''What happened?''

''What do you remember?''

''I cut my hand on a glass.'' I turned redder. ''I'm very clumsy, it wouldn't stop bleeding and I guessed it needed stitches, so I drove here, I remember, Lauren . . .and Edward, Andrew and then, nothing.''

''You passed out, we are leaning towards the alcohol Alice told us you had and the blood loss, we would like to take some blood and run some tests, just to be safe.'' He smiled at me.

''Can I go when you do the tests? I have a lot to do, can't I come in for the results later?''

He frowned. ''You don't feel dizzy? Nauseated?''

I did, a bit. ''No, not at all.'' I said brightly.

''OK, well if you feel well, you are utterly fine with everything else, you were also slightly dehydrated, but we gave you some IV fluids, I'd say you can go, once you give us some blood, we'll have the results for you tomorrow. But you're probably fine.'' He smiled.

''Thank you.'' I sighed, and I was allowed to go, after Lauren (Alice, and now, begrudgingly, my roommate) butchered my arm, trying to find a vein, on her sixth go, she got one.

Bitch.

Today was Jaspers birthday, so he and Alice were going out on another, romantic, date tonight. Sigh.

I didn't actually have anything to do today, so when I was discharged, I shopped all day, I was tired, and grouchy, and didn't feel well from everything, so at around seven, I decided I had enough pointless crap, when Alice called, I was near a bench in the mall so I sat down. My feet killing me.

''Hey Ali.'' I greeted.

''Hey Bell.'' She said quietly.

''Aren't you meant to be on your fancy birthday date?'' I wondered.

''Oh, I'm on it, look, Bell I'm in the bathroom of this restraint so I don't have much time. . .''

''Oh, yeah, you don't want him to think you're in there …''

''Oh shut up, look.'' She sighed. ''Tonight was meant to be _special._'' She hissed the last word.

''OK, good for you Ali.''

''But Mother Nature didn't want that to happen.'' She whined.

I snickered. ''Oh shut up!'' She snapped.

''Sorry, what do you need?'' I smiled, making my way to the pharmacy across the way from me.

''Anew thong, a tampon, or two, and for god sakes woman, I need chocolate.'' She demanded.

I laughed, picking up a box of tampons. ''Just get a chocolate dessert.'' I suggested.

I think she drooled on the phone. ''OK, but bring some anyway.''

I sighed. ''Fine. Bye.''

''Bye, thanks.''

Then, I saw something that made my heart skip a beat.

Why in the hell would they put pregnancy tests beside tampons? So some poor person who might be pregnant will see the tampons and go, damn. Or someone who wants to get pregnant buying tampons, only to be reminded.

Or, then there was the suckers like me, who was getting tampons for her pixie, when she realises she's a week late.

Shit.

But I used protection, with Edward, if I was pregnant, there was no doubt it was his. But each time, we used protection.

Ones supplied by the hotel.

Double shit.

I don't see how that was bad, but my state of mind was so fucked up, it made things worse.

All it takes is for one of his little swimmers to get free, so triple fucking shit, I bought the pregnancy test too.

My head was pounding, my mouth was dry and my face was flushed. I went to the check out and the woman looked at me like my hair was on fire. _Tampons and a pregnancy test? Not two things you usually buy together._

The drive to the fancy, intimate, restaurant, was the longest ride of my life (insert perverted laugh here), the road flew under my eyes, faster, but the road never seemed to end, my hands were sweaty and slipping off of the wheel.

What if I was pregnant? Would the test even show up yet? It had only been three weeks, doesn't it usually take a month or two to know.

But I missed my period, I never miss my period, ever since I got it, it would be in the middle of the month.

End of last week, start of this week.

Of course, I could just be very irrational, I could be just a few days late.

Yes, that could happen.

I think I died a little when I realized I was there.

_I'm here_

I texted Alice, using my very secret ninja skills I snuck into the restaurant. OK, I really hid behind this nice couple who let me when I asked. But still.

My stomach was full of elephants, I would say butterflies, but I was too nervous for butterflies. I think I was going to throw up, I just hoped to god it was because of the nervousness, and not something else.

''Oh thank god!'' Alice exclaimed, hugging me. ''I was going crazy here! Hey, B, what's wrong? And I don't see any chocolate!''

That's about when I broke down. It took me a minute to compose myself; all the while Alice was trying to soothe me with wide eyes. I pulled out the pregnancy test.

''Oh, B.'' she sighed, the stupid chocolate forgotten (which was good, since I had forgotten it.) ''Can I kill Edward?''

''I don't know? Let's see?'' I sniffled, pulling at my hair. ''I'm late Alice, only a few days, but I'm never late.''

''B, you're probabley not even pregnant, so calm down, and take the test.'' She suggested.

''I don't know if I can.'' I said meekly. She rolled her eyes.

''Look, there's two in here, how about I take it with you?''

I glared at her. ''That's no use, lucky bitch got your period.'' I grumbled.

''You are always such a _disappointment_ Augustus.'' She exclaimed, trying to distract me by quoting my favourite book, _The Fault In Our Stars._

''Not the time Alice.'' I growled.

''What, so your telling me you don't fear oblivion?'' She questioned, smirking.

''Oh, I fear it like the proverbial blind man fears the dark. Damn it- Alice, how do you do that?''

She shrugged, ripping open the box and taking out the two tests, handing me one, her taking the other. ''it's a gift, see.''

''You are so weird.'' I shook my head, taking the little white stick that looked felt like a bowling ball in my hands.

''But you love me.'' She sang.

''Don't push me pix.'' I threatened.

She just spun around and walked into the stall, as did I. ''How do you pee on this thing?'' Alice wondered, I rolled my eyes, again.

''it's a stick.'' I gulped; a stick that could change my life forever. ''Just pee on it, you can't pee on a stick wrong.'' Or at least, I highly doubt you could.

Plus, Alice wasn't the one who had to worry about it. So, I very awkwardly, peed on the stick.

''Bella?'' Alice said, way too quietly. ''You ready in there?'' I sniffled, coming out of the stall.

She saw my tears and then, said the one quote from _The Fault In Our Stars _which there was no way, under any circumstance, I could not, not finish. ''But, Oh, Sweet holy lord,'' She paused, eyes wide, waiting.

I caved. ''I would ride that one legged pony all the way around the corral.''

''There it is.'' She said proudly, hands on her hips. ''The B, I know.''

''You can stop being creepy now.'' I let out a strangled laugh.

Her eyes went wide, then, in a weird cookie monster voice she said. ''Never!'' like I cuss word.

''I distracted you, though, didn't I?'' She asked, smiling. ''It's been three minutes.''

''I can't do it.'' I wheezed, blinking through the unshed tears. ''look at it for me?''

She huffed. ''I really don't want to look at a stick you peed on, you're my best friend and all, but that's taking the biscuit.''

I laughed, clutching my stomach. ''Taking the biscuit?''

''I'm cutting down on cursing.'' She stuck her tongue out at me, I sighed, knowing she was trying to distract me.

''I'll check mine first.'' She suggested. ''Oh dear god.'' She gasped. ''WHERE IN THE HELL IS THAT FUCKING BOX, WHAT THE FUCK DOES THIS MEAN?'' She screamed frantically, her potty mouth making a re-appearance.

''Alice, let me see.'' I was calm; it was hers, so I was calm. I looked at hers, then, unthinkingly, glanced to mine, my heart sank. ''You're not pregnant, Alice, I am.''

**:**

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**EPOV(Edward)**

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**:**

Leaving Bella at the hospital was one of the two hardest things I had to do, the other was being a teenage father, but at least that had a good outcome. Leaving Bella just hurt me, it physically hurt me.

But I couldn't risk staying, Andrew couldn't risk knowing why I wanted to stay with his English teacher, because if he asked, I wouldn't have an answer.

It was Saturday, and I had just finished work, Alice was acting weird, she said that something was wrong, but she didn't know what, I didn't care, not much. I had my own problems.

Andrew, for one. Once I got home, I changed from my police uniform, so Andrew mightn't see me as the police officer I was. But as the father who made some bad mistakes I wish I didn't do but I didn't mind it because I got him from it.

In the end, it was worth it.

I could not cook if my life depended on it, so I ordered pizza, Andrew knew something was wrong, but he didn't say anything. I felt immense guilt as I saw him struggle downstairs on his crutches, though I knew it was not my fault.

We sat on the couch, in front of the TV, silent, eating the pizza, you could cut the tension with a knife, when we were done the pizza, before he left, I interrupted him. ''Andrew.'' I sighed, looking into his eyes. ''Dad told me something . . .quite disturbing yesterday.''

He looked cautious. ''What?'' His voice was weary, confused. ''Is this about me not letting him take a picture of my injury?''

''Wait! What?'' I asked. ''Andrew, you should have let him.'' I scolded.

''It's not a big deal.'' He dismissed. ''What was it then?''

I sighed, running a hand through my hair. ''If he didn't know me, I mean really know me, he said he would have considered domestic abuse.'' I cleared my throat, looking at a bruise on his arm. ''Next time you go to the hospital, for whatever reason, Carlisle can't be your doctor, conflict of interest, if the doctor even has the slightest suspicion of me hurting you. They'll report it.''

''But everything would be OK anyway right? Because you're not hitting me.''

''Yeah, Andrew, another valid point, I'm not hitting you, but who is?''

He looked away guilty, his face turning bright red. ''You don't understand . . .what it's like, dad, there is _no way _you can know what happens.'' He whispered, shaking his head, his bronze hair flopping into his eyes.

I was horrible at this, what to say next? ''Let me understand?'' I asked, it sounded unbearably cheesy, but it was all I had.

His eyes flashed with anger and pain. ''What? So you can arrest them?''

So it was a them? As in more than one? ''Arrest who? For what?''

''Ugh, god you're annoying!'' he groaned, I tried to ignore the wince he tried to hide when he moved his arms. I could only imagine the bruises and muscle strain on his arms from the crutches. But he was strong, when he was eleven, he had bought a little hand weight, as he grew, so did the weight, he had muscles, though he wore those baggy hoodies that made him look gawky. Not that I cared, but right now, he needed all the help he could get.

Because he was getting beat up, bullied, and I could not do much more than ask him and complain to the school. This situation was hopeless, I hated it, hated the fact that I was so defenceless, I was a defenceless police officer who couldn't even protect his own son.

I couldn't breathe.

''I was your age when I had you, Andrew, I know what it looks like. You know by now you were unplanned.'' I paused. ''But you were the best surprise ever, I'd do it all again, for you, even if it meant, meeting your mother, again.'' I shivered, discussed.

''You never really talk about her, do you think, maybe I should know?'' he asked, studying my face, which probabley looked panicked. ''You know what, never mind.'' He dismissed.

''No.'' I shook my head. ''You deserve to know.'' I added, continuing. ''Tanya Denali had bleach blond, curly hair, you have her crystal blue eyes.'' I licked my lips, my mouth was dry. ''When we first met, I didn't like her, at all.''

''But you grew too, right?'' his eyes held such hope, I couldn't crush that hope, how to tell a child his father had hated his mother from day one.

''I prefer brunettes.'' I didn't answer his question, thinking of Bella. ''You see, Andrew.'' I chuckled nervously. ''I never really liked your mother.''

His mouth popped open. ''So, you slept with some randomer you didn't even like and knocked her up?'' he grabbed his crutches and attempted to make a b-line for the stairs.

''Wait!'' I grabbed his arm just as he was half way out the door. ''She was much older than me, we had been going out for six months before we found out about you.'' I was about to say more, but he cut me off.

''How much older?'' he questioned.

I gulped; I knew he wouldn't let it go.

''Dad, how much older was she?''

''Old enough what we couldn't be together.'' I whispered.

''Dad?'' he mumbled, breaking his arm free, looking at me square in the eye.

''I never wanted it to happen.'' I said, as if that defended anything. ''she went to jail, Andrew, she loved you, the only reason I got parental rights was because Carlisle had money, so we could look after you, and I wanted you, so bad, just remember that.''

''Are you trying to tell me she's been in jail for fifteen years then?'' he asked angrily, knowing that was too long.

Tears fell from my eyes. ''Dad?'' he asked again, more worried now, having never seen me cry.

''She was only in there a week, Andrew, she loved you, know that.'' I checked out.

''You're scaring me here, dad.''

''She killed herself, she got five years and didn't even last five days, Andrew!'' I called as he hobbled upstairs, I knew not to follow, he needed time to take this in.

The worst thing? I hadn't even told him the half of it.

**Shit just got real for these people! OK, so what did you think? After a LOT of deliberation, I have decided to keep on with this story. Thank you to all those who reviewed, favoured or followed. Your support means so much to me, Thank you ;)xxx**

**-DDG93**


	5. Chapter 5

_**Internal love **_

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_**Chapter 5**_

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_**BPOV(Bella)**_

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_**Rose-24, Emmett-25, Bella-26, Edward-30, Alice-28, Jasper-25,**__**Carlisle-49, Esme-39, Andrew-15**_

_**:**_

_**Wednesday, January 29**__**th**__**, 2014 **_

Today was the day.

Parent teacher meetings, my first ever parent teacher meetings.

And I was screwed.

I would see Edward, but I wouldn't tell him, not yet, I would wait until we were alone, in a more intimate setting.

Not like that, but I needed to be alone when I told him.

There was also another problem, one I didn't want to admit. But the school had a strict policy on parent teacher relationships, as in, they were banned. And shit, I was having a baby with one of my students fathers'.

Breathe in, breathe out, it's all good, Bella, you can do this.

I could do this.

On Sunday, the day after I took that dreaded test, the hospital called, telling me to go in for my test results, confirming my pregnancy. The worst thing though, was that Dr, Cullen told me.

He then proceeded to ask me some questions, told me things to do and what not to do. And then, for some unknown reason, he asked me if the father was involved.

I had shook my head, holding back tears. All the while, all I could think was _this baby is your grandchild, your second grandchild, oh god!_

The first people up was Will Armstrong's parents, who were worry warts, Will was a sweet kid, didn't have many friends, got on well in class, wasn't being picked on, well, not in my class.

I had to go through the Bailey's and the Berry's before I go to the Cullen's. one Cullen. We would meet with the parents first, then the kid would come in, which was always awkward.

But when Edward walked in. God, something felt different, but that could have just been the fact that I was carrying a baby which was his. And I was keeping it, I tried to figure out the best way to tell him.

_I am pregnant_

I gulped.

''Mr. Cullen.'' I greeted. _I have your DNA in me!_

His eyes crinkled. ''I think were a gone a little bit past the formalities.'' He rolled his eyes. _I like your eyes, hope the baby gets your eyes . . .surprise! I'm pregnant!_

''I need to be professional.'' I sighed. ''Can we . . .? Uh, what are you . . .? Ugh! Friday?'' I closed my eyes, shit, I don't know what the hell kind of crap just spewed from my mouth.

Edward chuckled. ''I'm free Friday.'' _So I can tell you I am with child. . ._

I breathed a sigh of relief. ''OK.'' I tore off a scrap of paper and gave him my number.

''Better late than never.'' He smiled.

''Yeah.'' I tried not to cry. ''Now, to the real reason we're here tonight, Andrew.''

_Yeah, Andrew, not the baby, breathe, Bella, you're doing great._

His smile flattered. His voice was softer than I had expected. ''How's he doing in this class?''

''Great.'' I answered. ''Always hands in homework on time and doesn't seem to be struggling, at _school work.''_ I stressed the point, honestly, I had noticed some stuff around the school, like him sitting alone at lunch, either in the cafeteria, bathroom, or library.

''He doesn't have any friends.'' He explained. ''That's why he moved schools.'' He bit his lip. ''I think he's getting bullied.''

It didn't feel right, the tension in the room, like he wasn't telling me this because I was his teacher and he was concerned-it was evident that he was-but like he was telling me because he wanted to.

I could be just spinning everything out of proportion.

''I've been noticing . . .things.'' I choose my words carefully. ''He doesn't really get on . .. _well _. . . with some of the boys in his class.''

Edward sat up straighter in the chair across from me, his eyes searching. ''Do you know who gave him the black eye? And broke his leg?''

My eyes widened, I didn't know it was that bad. ''Are you sure someone broke his leg?''

''Carlisle said someone stepped on it.'' He winced.

''The school has cameras.'' I noted. ''I'll get in touch with the principal and tell him to look through the tapes.'' I frowned. ''as far as I know, this school has only had a few cases of bullying, but they were caught and the bully's expelled, this just makes me wonder, how long Bullying goes on without anyone noticing, and if they're all noticed.''

''He's scared, you know.'' Edward started. ''If he tells me, I'll arrest them, or something, and they'll hate him more. Every time I try and explain to him, even if he does tell me, I can't just arrest them, only if he presses charges, then they can be questioned, and even then, I can't do that, it has to be someone else.'' He sighed.

I pursed my lips. ''There's an anti-bullying similar I was meant to run next month, I can ask for it to be moved up, Andrew needs to trust someone. I may be an English teacher, but I was torn between that or being a guidance counselor, I'm trained in both. From what I gather, I presume his mother is not in the picture?''

He shook his head. ''He's never even seen a picture of her.''

''Do you have a picture of her?'' I wondered.

He shook his head. ''She's dead.'' He whispered. ''I don't wish to see a picture of her either.''

''Does he think like that, though? He's a teenager, does he have any sort of a mother figure, at all?'' I asked, rather hesitantly.

''No.'' he said, his eyes cold. ''There's no one.''

''Right.'' I nodded. ''He'll get friends eventually, he will, teenagers are just stupid. It's time to call him in.''

The rest of the meeting was awkward. Andrew hobbled in, like he had for the past two days, and sat down beside Edward, there was no more talk of possible bullying, but I told him to talk to me if he wanted.

And that was it, as fast as they had walked into that room, into my life, they had walked right back out again.

I know Edward was an amazing dad, but how would he react when I told him? His reaction would be the decider for me, if I were to, uh, _consider, possibly _if trusting him was possible or not.

That's all that mattered though, to me, if I could trust him or not.

But I just know he would get the wrong idea about Friday, but I needed him to turn up, so I didn't tell him this wasn't a date, though, no doubt, that's what he assumed.

The rest of the meetings seemed to fly by. I don't know if it was because I was thinking too much or because of anything else. But all I remember is asking Principal Green to speak with him on Friday morning.

**:**

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**Internal Love**

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_**Friday, January 31**__**st**__**, 2014**_

I instantly groaned when I woke up on Friday morning. I had been lying on my stomach, so I flipped over. I fisted my hands in the sheets, thinking back to five years ago, when I was first pregnant.

I hadn't found out until I was two and a half months pregnant, but the signs had started to show after a month, I was just too stressed to notice. Usually signs of pregnancy show after two or three months, but of course, there were somewhere it happened earlier on. I may have been a month pregnant, but my god my boobs were sore.

There goes lying on my stomach, ever again.

At least it wasn't morning sickness; I don't think I could handle that.

I just lay there for a while, my mind focusing on the ceiling, trying not to think about the past, the future or the present, specifically, tonight. So my mind had to be blank, but that just doesn't happen.

I waited, for what, I do not know, I just waited. Until I _had _to get up, because I had a meeting with Principal Green.

My stomach did little flips whenever I thought about tonight, Edward suggested we go out, but I objected, we needed to be alone when I told him, but not his house, mine, so if he wanted to run, he could.

Maybe I _should _have said his house.

Of course, this wasn't my house, I was in Alice and Lauren's guest bedroom. I wasn't allowed home until the investigation was done, Alice told me that could be a while so I was apartment searching tomorrow, just for a little while.

I eventually dragged my ass out of bed and got dressed, predicting I would be late if I didn't.

I wasn't really hungry so I just ate two slices of bread with butter; well I more like forced them down. Alice was at work and promised she would go to Jaspers tonight. And Lauren was gone now and was working tonight at eight, when Edward was to come over.

I got to school half an hour before it started and met with Principal Green. He was a short man with a vampire receding hairline, he tried to hide it, with a really crappy comb-over. And he was kind of a perv.

''Isabella.'' He greeted, holding out his arms, he was a hugger, though I thought it was highly inappropriate, I bent down, I mean I really had to squat, to hug him. He put his hand on my back and kept it there for a beat longer than it should have been.

''Principal Green, you know why I'm here today?'' I asked, standing back up and sitting down in the chair across from his desk.

He nodded glumly. ''I looked through the tapes, every single tape, took me a while, but I could find no bullying incidents, which student's parent has made the complaint?''

I shifted uncomfortably in my seat. ''Andrew Cullen.'' I swallowed and proceeded to tell him what Edward had told me.

His brow furrowed. ''We will keep a closer watch, but unless he confesses, we can't do anything about it.'' He admitted.

''What?'' my eyes flashed with anger. ''Can't you question some of the suspects?''

''What suspects? Some students we may suspect? There is no evidence, honestly, Isabella, there is nothing we can do.''

I felt sick, surely the school could do _something_, but with no evidence to go on, we really couldn't, I got up and left, ignoring the slime balls protests.

The day dragged, I was constantly checking the time, in-between that, thinking about the meeting this morning and trying not to think about telling Edward tonight, the minutes ticked by slower than ever, I couldn't even look anyone in the eye during third period, Andrews's class.

I had planned to make lasagna last night for tonight, but I fell asleep on the couch and didn't have time to do it, I didn't like cooking, okay, that was a lie, I loved it, but it reminded me of my parents, living with mom for ten years, living with her horrible culinary skills, living with my dad until I was fifteen, cooking for him, that was until he met Sue, then she cooked the food, it was hard to adjust to at first, but then I was grateful, it's just that, now, cooking reminds me of how mom couldn't, or dad.

I spent so much time debating what to make, sitting at _Alice's _home on the couch, I fell asleep.

''_Bella.'' Dad called from the kitchen, I bounced down the stairs. ''Me and Sue are going to Port Angeles so collect your mother and Phil from the airport, you'll be okay by yourself?''_

_I rolled my eyes. ''I'm seventeen, dad, not a child.'' I frowned, looking out the window, it was starting to snow. ''Can't they get a hotel and travel out tomorrow, when it's light out?''_

_It was already late enough, and I didn't want anything to happen._

_It was his turn to roll his eyes. ''It's Christmas eve, Bell, they won't get any room last minute, anywhere.''_

_I still frowned. ''Be careful, drive slow, I don't care if it takes you twice as long.'' I raised an eyebrow._

''_Don't worry Bella.'' Sue assured, patting my arm. ''I'll make sure he drives like a snail.'' She glared at him._

_He held his hands up in surrender. ''Fine, we better go, bye Bell.''_

''_Bye Dad, Sue, love you both.'' I yawned, planning to go to bed when they left, I loved that Charlie and Renee were on such good terms, even after the divorce and everything._

_I saw as the cruiser left the driveway and made its way, slowly, down the road._

_I wish I knew that would have been the last time I would see them._

I woke with a start, shaking. I checked my phone. ''Oh, shit.'' I groaned, it was seven fifteen, no food ready, I wasn't dressed yet, and my freaking boobs still hurt.

I got up on jelly legs, feeling like I've just been run over, it was the dream, I always feel like this after that dream.

I shivered.

Very robotically I got out a dark pink, layered dress with a thick black high wasted belt, I know it was stupid, but I wasn't showing yet, so I might as well get my figure out there while I can.

My toenails were painted bright pink (The Pixie) and I put on black sandals, I know it was only January, but if all went well with this pregnancy, in the summer, my feet wound be too swollen.

I wanted to move back home, I moved to New York with Alice, and had thought about moving back to Forks when I got a job here, and that decided it, but I missed home.

I left my hair, barely putting on makeup, because I only had fifteen minutes left, so I put on some pasta, thank god for ten minute pasta!

Then, fourteen minutes later, the doorbell rang, damn it, he's early!

I could suddenly hear the clock ticking on the wall, a dog barking down the street, kids playing in the street, my shoe's on the floor and my breathing.

I opened the door.

My heart jumped into my throat.

He was standing there, wearing a dress shirt and pants, holding a bunch of lily's, he looked so cute and happy. I held back tears, if only he knew.

_Shit, I couldn't do this._

I took the flowers.

_What if he went running for the hills?_

I invited him in.

_Did I want him to run for the hills?_

I guided him to the kitchen.

_Did I want him to stay?_

I told him to sit down.

_What would happen if he stayed?_

He said thank you, and a load of other compliments.

_What would happen if he left?_

I stopped thinking about it.

''Pasta and butter?'' He laughed, his green eyes sparkling.

''Don't diss it until you try it, I fell asleep when I came home and yeah, pasta and butter, my stepmother used to make this all the time.''

''Used to?'' he tried the pasta. ''This isn't half bad.''

''She died when I was seventeen.'' I explained. ''I know it's not the best meal, but.'' I shrugged.

''I'm sorry, were you close?'' his eyes held that pain, like he knew.

''She was like my third mother.'' I shrugged.

''Third?'' he laughed.

So did I. ''First there was my mother.'' He had to have noticed the _was. _''Then there is Esme, Alice's mother, then Sue.'' I smiled. ''It was so long ago, I try not to think about it.''

He nodded. ''I get that.''

We talked about a few things, for me, mainly books, we were don't the pasta, and I was trying to get up the courage to tell him, when he asked me something, like handed me the topic on a place.

''Do you know why Alice has been so angry with me this week, she keeps glaring and hitting.'' He laughed.

I chuckled nervously.

_Here we go Bella, this is it._

''Yes I do actually.'' I cleared my throat. ''I-''

His phone rang.

He looked at me, smiling sadly. ''It's Andrew.'' He explained.

''Then take it.'' I waved him and he got up and left for a while, coming back a minute later.

''Sorry.'' He said, rolling his eyes. ''He wanted to tell me he fell into a big puddle and got his cast wet, he's gone to the hospital with Carlisle to get a new one. I swear that boy can't walk straight.''

I chuckled. ''I know how he feels, was he with Carlisle?''

He nodded. ''Once a month he and Carlisle spend the day together.''

''That's really sweet, I only ever knew my mother's mother and I hated her.'' I shivered. ''Well, she hated me.''

''I doubt that, Bella, she probably didn't hate you.'' I knew I was just trying to buy my time, but I had to tell him, I had to blurt it out.

''She hated everything, she hated that my mother married young, she hated my mother had to marry young because of me, she hated my dad, she hated my mom, and she hated me, and the Irish, she really hated the Irish.'' I frowned, remembering her ranting about the Irish.

''Ha.'' He snickered. ''She sounds like my mother.''

I frowned. _Mother, I was going to be a mother. Right, I had to tell him._

''Look, Edward.'' I took a breath. ''I asked you here for a reason, I didn't think we should be in public when I told you this, and not your house, so you can go if you want.''

''Jesus, Bella, are you OK?'' his eyes were series, my eyes welled.

''Shit.'' I coughed, my eyes watering. ''I'm pregnant.''

The silence that followed the statement was scary, I don't think he was breathing, I don't think I was either.

His eyes were wide, and then, I swear, the light flickered.

Rain pelted against the window.

He was silent.

''It's yours.'' I continued, _idiot, of course it's his, as if I'd say I was pregnant then go, oh yeah, but it's not yours. ''_I'm keeping it, and you don't have to be involved, but you can, because I know you have Andrew to think about and we haven't known each other long.'' I stopped, he was staring at me, eyes wide.

''Christ.'' I breathed. ''Say something, swear, shout just _something._''

''Edward?'' I asked, he hadn't moved.

He cleared his throat, but it came out as a squeak when he said it. ''I think I need some time to think.''

He stood up and I held back the tears, he was running for the hills.

''Ok.'' I didn't get up, and he didn't look back. I waited until the door closed before I let the tears fall, I was prepared for the rejection, he has a teenage son, he's already done this thing, I shouldn't be this upset.

I shouldn't, but that didn't stop the tears or the pain, I somehow made it to the living room, where I collapsed on the couch, in a painful (heart, stomach, mind and boobs), blubbering mess

I fell asleep again, my sleep had been greatly affected by all this, and only woke up a short time later when I heard the door opening, I stayed still, figuring either Alice or Lauren would just (hopefully) leave me alone.

The room was pitch black, I was on my side, facing the back of the couch. The living room door opened, and because they hadn't said anything, I ruled out Lauren.

''Alice, could you l-leave me alone for a minute.'' I sniffled.

My eyes flew open wide and my breath hitched when two strong arms snaked around my waist.

''I'm sorry.'' Edward whispered. ''I shouldn't have left.''

And not for the first time this month, I burst into tears in Edwards arms.

**I decided to update a day early as I am very happy and this chapter is ready now, after just hearing John Green's books **_**Paper Towns**_** and **_**Looking For Alaska**_** are going to be movies. I loved the books, which if any of you love humour or mysteries or **_**The Fault In Our Stars **_**you should read. Sorry for the ramblings, please review. **

**Oh, and I know nothing about cars, but do any of you know about a car a sixteen-year-old boy would like for his first car? Thank you ;)Xxx**

**-DDG93**


	6. Chapter 6

_**Internal love**_

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_**Chapter 6**_

_**:**_

_**BPOV(Bella)**_

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_**Rose-24, Emmett-25, Bella-26, Edward-30, Alice-28, Jasper-25,**__**Carlisle-49, Esme-39, Andrew-15**_

_**:**_

_**Friday, January 31**__**st**__**, 2014 **_

_The room was pitch black, I was on my side, facing the back of the couch. The living room door opened, and because they hadn't said anything, I ruled out Lauren. _

''_Alice, could you l-leave me alone for a minute.'' I sniffled._

_My eyes flew open wide and my breath hitched when two strong arms snacked around my waist._

''_I'm sorry.'' Edward whispered. ''I shouldn't have left.''_

_And not for the first time this month, I burst into tears in Edwards arms._

He moved me so I was on his lap with my feet on the couch and my head resting against his head.

''Calm down, Bella.'' He tried to soothe, rubbing my back. ''Everything's okay.''

''No, it's not.'' I sobered up a bit, stopping the tears, my chest hurt. ''We've known each other for _a month, _I hadn't even been with anyone for _five years _and then this happens.''

''How long have you known?''

''Last Saturday, I took a test with Alice.''

''_That's _why she's been hitting me.'' he laughed quietly.

I smiled. ''Before I left hospital, they took some blood tests, I went back on Saturday and Carlisle confirmed.'' I said quietly. ''It was awkward, at least on my part.''

''I'm sorry.''

''For what?''

''Not being there.''

I sighed, looking into his eyes. ''There's no way you could have known.'' I bit my lip. ''What made you come back?''

''In my car, I've been meaning to get rid of Andrews baby clothes for the past five years, but I couldn't, I found these.'' He paused for a second, then I felt-for the first time-awkward about being on his lap, but his arm was around me and it didn't feel like we wanted to let me go anytime soon.

He pulled out a little white thing. ''I feel like I'm in a very predictable movie, but look how small his sock was, I mean.'' He shrugged. ''I shouldn't have left, I was just . . .shocked.''

''No, I get it.'' I choked out. ''I've had a week to get used to it, but you didn't.'' I started crying again. ''You know, I could lose the baby.''

''Do you…Do you want to lose the baby?'' he asked hesitantly.

''No.'' I said quickly, before I started crying again. I had to tell him. ''It's just, I-I have a higher risk, of-of losing it.''

His arms tightened around me. ''Alice told me, about why whoever wanted to hurt you, put Irina in your house, you lost a child?''

I had expected that. ''I was three months pregnant.'' My voice was mono-tone. ''I was with _him _for three years, I really loved him. But I was twenty-one and he didn't want anything serious, so I went to Seattle, I lived in forks, and they confirmed my pregnancy, and while I was there I let his name slip, and then one of the nurses just said _'Jacob? Jacob Black?' _and she looked really angry. I didn't really know why until the next day when she called from the hospital saying I had to come back in, so I went in.'' I took a deep breath.

''She led me to a room and said the doctor would be there soon, but she turned to go away and locked the door.''

I stopped talking, taking a deep breath.

''Jesus, Bella, you don't have to continue if it's too much.''

''No.'' I shook my head. ''You deserve to know why I have a high chance.'' I bit my lip. ''I don't think I can be this close to you for this.'' I put my hand on his leg and curled up in the corner of the couch.

''Before I could say a word to her.'' I started. ''She was shouting at me, calling me horrible names.'' _Bitch, slut, whore. _''I didn't know what was happening. Then she took out a _butcher knife _and charged at me.'' I didn't cry, I wanted to, but I didn't.

''She was saying how I had slept with her husband, and I said she had to be wrong.'' I shrugged. ''Apparently Jacob was married . . . to a crazy woman. A crazy woman who couldn't have children.'' I gulped. ''she said something like _'If I'm not having my husband's baby, neither are you.' _Next thing I knew, she had jammed a knife into my side.

''People had heard the commotion and someone was in the middle of trying to break down the door, but she felt like more revenge was needed, apparently.''

I looked back up, he looked . .. angry? I couldn't go on, I felt like my voice was just . . ..gone? I don't know. I pushed back my hair.

''You can't really see it.'' I found my voice. ''It's faded, over time, plus make up.''

He moved closer to me, his hand reaching up to touch my scar, I flinched away and covered it up again, I hated that thing. ''How did I not notice? How did I not see it?''

''I didn't let you.'' I cleared my throat. ''Alice, Rose, Esme and Emmett, now you, are the only people who know the whole story.''

''Not even your parents?''

''They died when I was seventeen. Don't say you're sorry.'' I added quickly.

''I don't know what to say.'' He admitted, looking sheepish.

''Yeah.'' I smiled. ''I just thought if you still want to be part of the baby's life, you should know, that though the doctors did all they good, I have more of a chance than most women to have a miscarriage.'' I sniffled.

''Bella, I want to be in the baby's life, and if you'll let me, your life, more than just for the baby.''

I leaned back into the couch. ''I don't trust people easily, but I guess I trust you more than I thought, since I told you that.''

''I'm glad.'' He smiled. ''But it's past one, I think I should be going.'' I yawned when he said that.

''Is Andrew with Carlisle tonight?'' I asked, I was crazy.

He nodded, standing up. ''Wait.'' I said. ''It's raining heavily outside, and it's late, _sleep _here tonight, _sleep, _I don't want you driving home in that.''

I did mean it when I said sleep.

He frowned. ''I don't want to be too much trouble.''

''You're not.'' I assured. ''really, I don't want you to go out in that.'' I know how weird I sounded, but I couldn't help it.

He chuckled. ''OK.''

I lead him upstairs. ''Look, I would offer you the couch but I'd feel bad about that plus it would be awkward when Alice or Lauren came home, and the floor is not ideal, so you can _sleep _with me in my bed. _Sleep._''

''Hummm, are we just going to sleep?'' he joked.

''Shut up.'' I grumbled. ''I don't have anything for you to put on.''

''That's fine.'' He rolled his eyes. ''I'll just wear my underwear.''

''Just your underwear?'' I squeaked.

''Bella.'' He snickered quietly. ''I got you pregnant, you've seen me in less than my boxers.''

''I know, but,'' the more layers we have on, the less I'd be tempted. ''Never mind.''

He smiled, as if he knew where my thoughts were going. I narrowed my eyes and grabbed my things to get changed in the bathroom, I was thinking I should have grabbed something other than shorts and a tank top, but I don't think I could go back now. Well, I could, maybe.

I brushed my teeth and my boobs hi fived my brain when I took off my bra. Dear god I don't know how I was going to put one on in the morning.

I clutched my clothes to myself when I went back in, hiding my boobs (they were bigger than they were a month ago). I turned off my light as Edward was already in the bed.

I should have been freaking out.

I should have said no.

I should have let him sleep downstairs.

I should have kept the lights on.

And I definitely should have kept on my bra.

I didn't want to though.

Turning off the lights was probably the worst one; some sort of weird electricity flowed between us, though we weren't touching. I had my arm by my side, prepared for any surprise hand attacks. But none came, because he was asleep and I drifted off soon after.

_Something was wrong._

_It was five a.m. Christmas morning, and they weren't back yet._

_I rang mom; voicemail._

_I rang dad; service temporality unavailable._

_I rang Sue; this number cannot be reached at this time._

_I rang Phil; Beep, beep, beep, nothing._

_The doorbell rang, I jumped up from the couch, my eye was twitching._

_I started hyperventilating and my heart sank when I saw the police car, of course, it wasn't dad. _

_I opened the door and that was the last thing I remember._

I jerked awake. But didn't go far, I was wrapped up in Edward's arms.

Shit, I hated that, fucking dreams

I should have felt awkward, but I was too tired to care, I went back to sleep, subconsciously dreading the morning.

**:**

**:**

**:**

**Internal Love**

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**:**

''Do you want to touch it?''

''What?'' he laughed.

I rolled my eyes. ''My stomach.'' I elaborated. ''You've been staring at it all morning, I mean, it's completely flat.''

I was only standing a few feet away from him, so I walked over, took his hand and placed it on my bare stomach (I just pushed my T-shirt up a bit)

It became awkward about ten seconds later, so I let go of his hand, though it stayed in place and it took him a few seconds longer to take his hand away.

''What about, Doctors appointments?'' he asked, his eyes guarded.

''Oh.'' I blew out a breath. ''Do you want to go to one?''

He nodded, I wanted to tell him to stop nodding for fear of giving himself brain damage, Jesus, okay, I got it, he really wanted to go.

''I had one last Sunday, when I found out, but, erm, it's still really early and I have my next one in about three weeks, I'll text you.'' I offered, feeling awkward about the situation suddenly.

''What are you doing next Friday?'' he asked suddenly, his eyes alight. ''Let me take you out-like a real date- and then we can talk about. . .things.''

''Things?'' I asked, but I knew already.

''Yeah.'' He nodded, running a hand through his already tousled hair. ''About us, the baby, Andrew, telling people.''

''Oh, yeah, about that one.'' I gulped. ''It is against the school policy to date students' parents, but I figured we met before Andrew was my student, so.'' I shrugged, biting my lip. ''They can't really fire me.''

''Ugh.'' He groaned. ''I'm sorry.''

''Why are you apologising?'' I wondered. ''You didn't really do anything wrong.''

''I got you pregnant, didn't I?'' he said stubbornly, suddenly my temper flared, I didn't really understand why.

''It's not like you forced yourself on me, it takes two to tango.'' I replied, just as stubbornly.

''That's not what I was saying-'' he was angry, which just made me angrier; he pinched the bridge of his nose, his eyes closing.

''I am the one who has to deal with it, I'm the one with the baby in me, you don't have to have anything to do with it.'' My voice was quieter now.

''But I _want to_.'' He defended. ''I want to be here for you, and the baby, trust me.''

''But how?'' I questioned, trying not to cry . . ._again. _Stupid hormones. ''How am I meant to trust you?''

''I don't know.'' He sighed, pulling me close. ''I don't know.''

**:**

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**EPOV(Edward)**

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**:**

**:**

Holy fucking shit.

Holy fucking _shit._

I was going to be a dad _again._

_Again._

Holy fucking shit.

Leaving Bella was a huge mistake, though I came back, I needed to make up for it, but I was screwed.

It was official-I was a fuck up.

But yet, was it weird that I was oddly relieved when Bella said she was keeping it? I vow to be there for her-because I wasn't there for Tanya, at all. Oh, I wanted to be. But I didn't even know she was pregnant until she was six months along, and then it all came out.

Whatever Bella needed, whenever she did, I would be there. She had me hooked right from the start, when I saw those innocent brown orbs staring back, I was distend to fall, and fall hard I did.

Did I love Bella? I had only known her for a month, but the thought of leaving her, my heart ranched, I couldn't even phantom not seeing Bella soon. Hell, I wanted to be with her right now.

It was a scary moment when I realized this.

It had been last night, when Bella had curled herself into my side, and I tried to sleep-it would have been so easy to sleep, with Bella here, calming me. But I just stared at her-and I'd never admit it, but I started talking to the baby.

But it was that death-defying moment when Bella started sleep talking, she called me a bustard for knocking her up, then complained about how much her boobs hurt.

In hinds sight, it was a weird way to realize just how much you cared for someone. But I still had one big nagging problem-Andrew.

I had done a little digging, but not enough to arouse suspicion, or to get anywhere it seems, I had no leads.

I needed to establish exactly what my relationship was with Bella before I told him. If we were friends, or more.

I hoped we were more.

How could I just spring this on him though? He was going through so much, the bullying, the pain, the self-doubt, the hating me, the mixed emotions about his mother.

How could I throw a baby with his English teacher into the mix?

And here I was, trying to soothe said teacher, while she cried into my chest. I thought I should mind, but I didn't, I couldn't.

How would I get her to trust me-or the more important question-_why _should she trust me.

''Who knows you're pregnant?'' I murmured into her hair.

''You, me, Alice and your dad.'' She paused, sniffling. ''Though, of course, he has no clue it's his grandson.''

''Grandson?'' I asked.

She shrugged, pulling away, looking embarrassed. ''It's just a feeling, but when I picture him, it's a _him. _I don't care though, either way.''

''Well I do.'' I scrunched my nose, glaring at her stomach. ''Better be a girl, I swear, I've been there with a boy, you take that diaper off, he will pee on you.''

She burst out laughing, but looked disgusted. ''Ew, Edward, how am I meant to look Andrew in the eyes again?''

I laughed. ''I'm sure you'll manage, look, speaking of Andrew, I have to collect him.''

''It's fine Edward.'' She rolled her eyes. ''Go, I'll see you on Friday.''

''But I'll ring you tonight.'' I promised.

She smiled, and not to sound like too much of a cheesy mother right now, but her smile took my breath away.

But as I left, I caught her murmuring something, something that sent a thrill-both an excited and fucking terrified one, through me.

Her hand rested on her stomach, her flat stomach.

''Promise you won't pee on mommy, buddy, we can leave daddy for that job.''

It scared the shit out of me.

It made me laugh.

And it made me think.

Bella would make a great mother, but I had already fucked up with Andrew, didn't I?

God, everything was so right.

But oh, so, messed up.

**Review and I will give you a sneak peek into the next chapter.**

**I am very sorry but the next chapter might be a little late on posting, I'll try all I can to update it on or before Sunday but RL is just in the way, so sorry. ;)xxx**

**-DDG93**


	7. Chapter 7

_**Internal love**_

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_**Chapter 7**_

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_**BPOV(Bella)**_

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_**Rose-24, Emmett-25, Bella-26, Edward-30, Alice-28, Jasper-25,**__**Carlisle-49, Esme-39, Andrew-15**_

_**:**_

_**Friday, February 7**__**th**__**, 2014 **_

''How was the apartment search?'' Edward asked, we were in his car, a silver Volvo, driving to Breaking Dawn, this new restaurant that opened last month.

I groaned, rolling my eyes. ''Horrible, fucking shit, everywhere was just crap, me and Alice were so tired when we were done.'' I shivered, remembering this one place, which was advertised as a lovely, spacious two bedroom apartment, and when we got there the walls and ceiling were damp and mouldy, Alice pulled me from the building with all her strength, explaining that she feared for my, and little one's health in that place.

He chuckled. ''Sorry to hear that.''

''I wish I could just get my old place back, it's a crime scene until, well, I don't know.'' I sighed. ''I just hate Lauren.''

''That nurse?'' he asked, his eyes narrowing. ''She called Andrew my brother and he got pissed.'' He chuckled.

''She's not the sharpest tool in the shed, do a lot of people assume that?'' I asked hesitantly.

He nodded, sighing. ''It's not like it's their fault or anything, I could be easily his brother, really, I look younger than I am, don't forget there's fifteen years between that little one and Andrew.''

''Wow.'' I breathed. ''How do you think he'd react?''

He laughed, though nothing was funny. ''Not well.'' He shook his head. ''He's really angry at me.''

''Why?'' I asked, then realised it wasn't really any of my business. ''You don't have to tell me.''

He ran a hand through his hair, glancing at me sideways. ''He's angrier he never got to meet his mother, he's blaming me.''

''What happened to her?'' I asked, unable to stop myself. ''Sorry, no filter here, you don't have to tell me.''

He laughed, but then he became serious, we pulled up to Breaking Dawn, just before he got out of the car he whispered. ''She's dead.''

I was frozen, unable to really process this information. ''Bella, you alright?'' Edward was standing at my door, I don't know how long for, but I must have been motionless long enough to cause concern.

I shook my head. ''I'm fine.''

He let it drop for now though I'm sure he would broach the subject again, I got out of the car and walked to the door of the sparkly, fancy restaurant which was too fancy and sparkly for my taste, but it was nice, for a fucked up first date, wait, when I told him about the pregnancy might have been a fucked up first date either, I'll count, it, wait, were these even dates? Or just two people in a fucked up situation having dinner to talk about said fucked up situation.

We were greeted at the door by a blond man, I'd like to say he wasn't a creep who leered at my chest the whole time he was talking. ''I'm Mike, if you'd like to follow me.''

So, we followed him. And I tried to ignore Edward glaring at Mike, and Mike not noticing or Mike still staring at my chest, but it was all very hard to not notice.

Mike led us to a table in the centre of the place, where I could feel some eyes on us. I hated attention, and with the eyes on me, and Mike's eyes, which went to my ass for a second before going back to my breasts. I felt, wrong somehow. I could feel myself blushing, I didn't like attention normally, but when it was strangers it made it worse.

''Do you have anywhere mere private?'' Edward asked irritably, still glaring at Mike.

Mike said no, until Edward gave him a tip, and then a private table in the corner opened up.

Ass, god, some people.

There was a divider to our right, Mike diapered in there, obviously unaware we could hear him, he began to speak.

''Dude, check out the rack on the girl in the corner, can't be real, biggest tits I've ever seen.'' I blushed and ducked my head, I don't know why I felt this awful thing, like something was punching me in the gut, tears pricked my eyes, but I wish they didn't, I don't know why they did, I think it was the hormones.

That was the worst part lately, in the past two days, the hormones had kicked in yesterday Alice found me crying on the couch after watching an ad for _Titanic _I always thought the movie was sad, and cried the first time I watched it, but never at an ad before, Alice just laughed her head off when I started blubbering that if Rose had moved over Jack would have been able to fit on that plank of wood.

My blubbering may have been funny to her, but at least it was true.

I looked up suddenly when I noticed the tension in the air, Edward had grown eerily quiet.

''What's wrong?'' I asked, suddenly forgetting where we were.

''Bella, what he said, it was inappropriate. You're crying.''

''No I'm not.'' I argued. ''I'm fine.'' I had blinked back the stupid random tears, I guess I wasn't hiding the disgust and sadness on my face well enough because he got up loudly, scraping his chair across the floor on the way, he got up and walked over to Mike, and his calm voice floated around the room, which brought another round of random, hormonal driven tears.

No one had ever spoken up for me like that before.

And I didn't know what to think.

He asked for his manager, and I think Mike knew, he looked like he knew anyway, and he scurried off to get his manager, who came back a minute later, Edward gave a ghosted over version of what was said and the manager came over to me and apologized, saying drinks and dessert was on the house.

''I am sorry for his incompetence, Ms, I hope you and your boyfriend have a lovely evening.''

Then, the fat balding man scurried away.

I arched my brow. ''What are you ordering, _boyfriend._''

''Sorry.'' He said, but he was smiling. ''I was angry and in the heat of the moment I may have called you my girlfriend, it sounded better than 'friend I knocked up at my brother's wedding.'" He paused. ''I hope you don't mind.''

I smiled. ''I think I should, but I don't.''

''Why would you mind?''

''I've only ever had two relationships, neither of them ended well, as you know.'' The waitress came over, I just asked for water while Edward ordered a coke.

He asked me it when she left. ''I thought you didn't date after Jacob?''

''I didn't, before Jacob I had one boyfriend, nothing that serious but I had just turned sixteen so it was a big deal, then, he took me to the spring dance and at the after party someone put on, I found him making out in the closet with another one of our classmates.'' I grimaced at the memory.

''You don't have much luck, do you?'' he asked.

''Wait, that's not the worst part, I walked in on Paul with one of his friends, Sam.''

''How is that bad? Worse I mean?''

''Sam was a boy.''

Silence.

After a minute, he cracked a smile, and then frowned. ''Was?''

''Sam is now Emily and happily married to Paul, I'm happy for them, I just wish Paul didn't use me as his beard.''

''Hey, at least you've had the experience.''

I snorted. ''Yeah, the experience of being someone's beard.''

''Wait, if Paul is gay, doesn't he not like 'Emily'?''

I shrugged. ''They're in love; Paul loves Sam/Emily, even if he is now a she. What about your past relationships?'' I liked that even though I know Paul objected, he loved Sam/Emily on the inside, they had this eternal internal love that even a sex change couldn't break, i think everyone wants that, though for most people it's minus the sex change. The drinks came out and she took our food order, saying it should be ready in a few minutes.

''My first relationship was my most serious, but I don't think now is the right time to talk about Tanya, she demands more time.'' He shivered. ''I have had one other relationship, Heidi, it wasn't anything much serious, we had been going out for a month, but then she met Andrew, and things went wrong, turns out, Heidi hates kids, and kids hate Heidi.'' He chuckled. ''Since then there's been . . .nothing serious.''

There it was.

''Enjoy your meal.''

The waitress placed our food down in front of us, asked if there was anything else we needed and left.

I took a bite of my chicken, then looked up to Edward. ''So, you've had two seriousish relationships?''

''Tanya was when I was fifteen and Heidi was when I was twenty-one, after those two disasters I just figured that I'd never be able to have a real relationship, I just fuck it up every time, I slept around a lot.'' He admitted it, and the truth was out and it hung in the air like a bad smell.

''But not anymore?'' I asked.

He shook his head. ''for the past two years I realized I had been so distracted I couldn't even tell how sad Andrew was, he hated middle school, high school even worse, when I realized that, I stopped sleeping with woman, I realized how wrong it was.''

''And then you met me.'' I whispered.

''Yes.'' He said, his eyes guarded.

''What's your favourite color?'' I tried to change the subject, distract him.

He smiled, like he knew. ''Blue, you?''

''Green. Edward, do you think we should tell Andrew? I mean I know he has to be told at some point, but, ah, when do you think would be the best time?''

He thought about it for a minute. ''Not next week, it's his sixteenth, I don't think he'd like that birthday present, how about before the scan?''

''Okay.'' I nodded. ''do you think he'd want to go?''

His eyes snapped up to mine. ''Do you want him there?''

I blushed. ''Only if he wants. It would be weird, but it's his brother or sister'' cough. ''Brother'' cough. ''if he accepts that.''

''I'll tell him we're going out first.'' He decided, smiling.

''Are we?''

''What?''

''Going out?''

''Do you want to be?''

''Yes.'' I said it before I could not, and I realized that I really did. ''I think we should at least try and make it work, for our sake, and Andrew's and the baby's, but I know Andrew needs to come first, he might feel neglected or forgotten about, or jealous, and he might hate me.''

''Woh.'' He said. ''Therapist much?''

''My career choice, English or a child therapist, I wanted to work with children from broken family's and such, but I decided English was a better option.''

''What made you chose English?''

''I want to be a writer, I've tried writing stories before, but I always get stuck a few chapters in.'' I shrugged.

''Who's your favourite author.''

''John Green.'' I said easily. ''I used to like the classics, but all the books were given to me by my parents, it's too painful to read them anymore, reminds me of my childhood.''

His eyes were suddenly serious. ''You didn't have a good childhood?''

''It was fine.'' I shrugged. ''Mom left dad and took me with her when I was three, she re-married when I was ten and I went to live with my dad for a year and moved back to Phoenix when he re-married, but when I was fifteen I missed him, so I moved back to forks, I liked it though, it was close to Alice in Seattle, and I moved in with Alice and Esme when I was seventeen and my parents died, Books were my only escape.''

''It must have been hard to move around so much, I lived in Chicago until I was fifteen, then we moved to New York.'' He didn't say why he moved, but it was obvious, Andrew. We had dessert, and Edward paid for the bill, which I protested about, but gave up quickly, he was very persuasive.

When we were in the car, the questions started again.

''You don't have to answer this, but whatever happened to Jacob?''

I flinched at the mention of the ass. ''Alice didn't tell you?'' my voice was thick, I cleared my throat.

He shook his head. ''No, she just mentioned the woman.'' He was quiet. ''You really don't have to tell me, I was just wondering.''

''He's in jail.'' I whispered.

''For what?''

''Attempted murder.''

His eyes clamped shut. ''Bella, please tell me he didn't try and kill you as well.''

''What? No!'' I said, probably louder than I should have. ''Jacob loved his wife more than me, he _did, _but he also loved the baby more than her, he always wanted a child, he was so angry, he tried to kill her, he got Attempted murder, she got assault, which would have been murder but the Judge and jury was sympathetic, she was covered in bruises.'' I scoffed, once again holding back the tears. Stupid bitch should have been in jail for life.

''She should have gone down for murder.'' Edward said softly. ''I'm sorry you had to go through that.''

''It's fine.'' I shrugged. ''I had Alice and Esme for most part, Esme was a big comfort, she lost a child when she was young, nineteen, she found out after she couldn't have any more children, she was twenty when she adopted Alice, they lived with me and my mother for a while, them being sisters and all. Mom hated Esme's decision, she was so young, and Alice was nine, but you can't not love her.'' I sighed. ''I just completely changed the subject, didn't I?''

''It's fine.'' He chuckled and I realized we were back at my house, my palms were suddenly sweaty.

I got out of the car though I know he would have helped me out, the air was cold and I shivered, but I tried to hide it, I didn't want him to give me his jacket or something.

''Are you cold?'' he asked.

I said, ''No.'' though he had already shrugged off his jacket and handed it to me. I took it and he chuckled.

''Sure, you're not cold.'' He smirked, walking me to the front door. I huffed, but smiled. His jacket smelt like him and it was somewhat comforting. ''Look, Bella, what are you doing on Wednes-'' I cut him off, I do not know where this sudden confidence came from, I had never been so forward, I don't even remember leaning forward, or attacking him.

Our lips fit perfectly together, and after a second of him being stunned and frozen he moved his lips against mine. I tilted my head slightly and parted my lips, allowing him access. I wasn't drunk this time, but it felt like I was. I couldn't think straight, my hands were knotted in his hair and I realized how close we were, he was in my arms, _right there._ And I don't know why that got me. I pulled away to breathe, because I remembered breathing was important, vastly important.

''Edward.'' I said, standing back far enough to see him but still touching. ''I think we should go . . .slowly, with the physical stuff? I just think it would be better right now.'' Then I started rambling on for some reason expecting him to be angry, but he silenced me.

''Jesus Bella, calm down it's fine, we can go as soon as you want.'' Then he smiled what truly was a panty dropping smile.

_It won't be that slow if you keep smiling at me like that, gah._

His smile morphed into a smirk, and then he laughed. ''I ever know what you're going to say.''

''Did I say that out loud?'' I squeaked, his laughed answered it all, I had never done that before, I felt heat flood to my cheeks.

''Goodnight Bella.'' He said eventually, his cheeks flustered and a shit eating grin splashed across his face.

''Goodnight Edward.''

''…''

''…''

''…''

And then my lips were back on his, or his were back on mine but it didn't matter and it's not like you could tell.

''Bye.'' he whispered.

''Bye.'' I smiled. ''Make it home safe, okay? What was this about Wednesday?''

''Oh.'' He blinked, like he was just remembering this now. ''Right, Andrew is off of school, he said the whole school was, something about repairs?''

''Oh, yeah.'' I remembered. ''I forgot about that.'' I admitted. ''The heating's been going haywire lately, they have to work on all the classrooms all day, so I'm free.''

He grinned. ''Me too, Though I'm working until three that morning, Can I get you say around one? Lunch?'' He asked hopefully.

I rolled my eyes. ''Yes.'' I nodded. ''When are you. . .going to tell . ..Andrew, I mean it doesn't matter really, I was just wondering.''

''I was planning to just after I gave him his car.'' He laughed.

I smacked his arm. ''Are you bribing him.''

''No, It's his birthday on Friday, but I'm giving him his present-the car- on Monday, then may be a good time, I'll do it before Friday though, definitely before the scan.''

''Okay.'' I nodded.

''I'll text you when I get home.'' He offered.

I felt like a weight had been lifted from my shoulder. ''Thanks, oh, here's your coat.'' I offered it to him but he started to walk away.

''Keep it.'' He shrugged. ''I don't mind.''

Neither did I for that matter, that was the problem, I wanted to keep it, so I shouldn't. But he got in his car and drove away, though he did wait until I was in the house, I couldn't tell if he was making sure I was safe, or he just wanted to stare at me.

I felt a sudden rush of a loss when his car disappeared from view, and then Alice was on me like a vulture, guiding me up to my room and making me tell her everything, she squealed when appropriate and reminded me of Sunday dinner with Esme whereupon I had to reveal the baby I had inside of me. Great. Alice left just before Edward texted me.

_I'm home, beautiful -E_

I didn't respond, I was too tired, I just turned out the light and went to bed, hugging the phone, he had called me beautiful. . .

I woke up three hours later, 1a.m to the sound of a cell phone, my cell phone. I didn't even look at the screen when I answered.

''Hello.''

''Bella? I'm sorry if I woke you, I shouldn't have called-''

''It's fine.'' I cut him off, and it was, he brought me out of the middle of a horrible dream. ''What's wrong?''

I sunk into the bed and felt my muscles relax, his voice calming and soothing me.

''Andrew's just . . .Being Andrew.'' He sighed.

''Tell me everything.'' I didn't say it like Lauren did, as a source of gossip, or Alice, a bit too hyper, trying to be concerned, but trying to cheer you up. I just listened.

And that's what I was doing, listening, when I felt suddenly nauseated, but I couldn't have morning sickness, right? Because 1)it was just after one in the morning and 2) I was nowhere near my second trimester.

But that didn't stop the sickness.

**By the way I know it is actually possible for people to have morning sickness this early in pregnancy, it's just uncommon. But is it just morning sickness? Sorry for being a day late, but that's not too bad so it's okay, anyway, please review, I hope I didn't miss anyone who reviewed with a sneak peek, I just came back from holidays. Thank you ;)xxx**

**-DDG93**


	8. Chapter 8

_**Internal love**_

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_**Chapter 8**_

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_**BPOV(Bella)**_

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_**Rose-24, Emmett-25, Bella-26, Edward-30, Alice-28, Jasper-25,Carlisle-49, Esme-39, Andrew-15**_

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_**Sunday, February 9th, 2014**_

I'm freaking out slightly, my palms are sweaty and I can't think straight, Alice is driving us in her yellow porsche, and I feel sick.

''Pull over.'' I wasn't asking.

''Oh no.'' she groaned, pulling over, just five minutes away from Esme's house. ''I'll get your hair.''

I couldn't thank her, or tell her no, or to fuck off, the last one seemed mean, but as I vomited on the side of the road, crouched down with my hands shaking on the ground with the pixie holding my hair from my sweaty face, I couldn't bring myself to care.

''It's okay, Bella, just breathe.'' Alice soothed.

I wanted to hit her, but I didn't, I needed to get my hormones in check.

''Thank you.'' I croaked, leaning into her familiar embrace. ''don't ever get pregnant, Ali, it kills you.''

We got back into the car-she made sure I was done vomiting first-and I drank some water while she answered.

''I wasn't planning on it.''

''Really? Don't you want kids.''

The car purred under us and she smiled, glancing at me. ''Yes, I want kids, I'd love them, when the time's right, but I want to try and adopt, there's too many parentless children in the world, I would love my child if I ever got pregnant, obviously, but I'd rather save a child without a home.''

''Like Esme did for you?'' I asked quietly.

''Yes, like that, only I want a husband, no offence to mom or anything, I don't know how she did it, single.'' She shivered. ''I believe the right person is out there for her.

''I hope so, I really do.''

''I texted Edward.''

I groaned. ''Why?''

''He asked me to.''

''So what? Every time I get a bout of morning sickness he's making you tell him?''

She was quiet for a minute, tapping her nail on the steering wheel. ''Yes, essentially, he was sorry he couldn't be there the other night, he couldn't leave Andrew.''

''I know, I heard the argument.''

''I just think Andrew's sixteen, he can be alone in a house for an hour, especially if Edward really wanted to go.'' She was quiet.

''Thank you Ali, but I'm fine, okay? Andrew needs to come first.''

''No.'' she shook her head, pulling into the driveway. ''Andrew and the baby need to come first, and right now you are the baby, and the baby is you, you need to come first too.''

I nodded, but I completely disagreed, Andrew needed Edward a lot right now, I didn't, so what? Morning sickness, who cares, everyone gets it, and they deal, when I'm sick, I deal. I don't need Edward there just because I throw up occasionally at very random times.

Esme came out of the house to meet us, I pulled on my top nervously, I wasn't showing yet exactly, but I was slightly bloated, and I kind of just looked fat.

''You haven't called me in a week.'' Esme scolded me, coming over to embrace me first.

''I'm sorry. . . I've been busy.''

''Sure, would a man have anything to do with it?''

I blushed and she smiled, going over to hug Alice, who had called her two days ago so she was off the hook.

I looked up at the huge house Esme spent all of five years designing, watching as it was built, and dressing it up. with five bedrooms, it was just too big for one person. And then my chest felt heavy, and breathing was a difficult necessity, I could have called. Just one quick call to my mother's sister, my sort of mom, who adopted my basically sister when she was just twenty, and took me under her wing when I was seventeen, a mess, and very hard to live with. She was there with the whole Jake and baby thing, and I know she will be here for me now. And I hadn't even called in almost two weeks.

She looked pale, she was always pale really, ever since that first time she was diagnosed, it drained the life from her. I did the motions, told her I was fine, I was sorry I hadn't called, though I should have, and I pretended to be alright though everything just seemed wrong, I was lying, Alice was acting weird, and so was Esme. And all through dinner there seemed to be an elephant in the room, and I felt like it was more than just my elephant.

Then, the unavoidable happened, one minute I was eating a piece of chicken, the next I was running to the bathroom, loosing said chicken.

Esme was right there behind me, holding back my hair. ''How far along are you?''

I shouldn't have been too shocked, Esme noticed everything. ''Five weeks.'' I wheezed.

Her arms were around me and I felt tears in my hair, though I was pretty sure they were happy tears. ''Who's the father.'' She breathed, letting me go and bouncing up and down. Then she frowned. ''Five weeks . .. Rose and Emmett's wedding!''

I nodded. Esme wasn't able to go to the wedding, she had a very important doctor's appointment, which she assured us she was fine, but she wasn't able to move the appointment. I think the real reason was the crowd.

I sighed and nodded, standing up and wobbling slightly. ''Right . ..back to the father?''

''You know Emmett's brother? Alice's partner on the force? Edward Cullen?''

She smiled in realisation. ''He is a handsome young fellow.'' She giggled. ''And if his father is anything to go by, he will be for a while, too.''

My mouth gaped, and in the back of my mind I vaguely wondered where Alice was, I presumed she was giving me and Esme some time to talk. ''You know Dr. Cullen?''

''Remember when I went for my check up? My doctor was sick and he was filling in before he went to the wedding.''

I didn't say anything, but that just confirmed that she could have gone to the wedding, if she took and anxiety pill and kept near me and Alice the whole time.

''Is that all?'' I asked, wondering if there was more to this story.

Alice flounced in around the corner, we had somehow made it into the living room. ''Yes, do tell mother?''

Esme blushed. ''We may have gone out on a few dates since then. It would be against hospital policy since we met while he was my doctor, but if anyone asked we met through Emmett and Rose, his son and my almost like daughter, when is she getting home by the way?''

Alice squealed but I was hit with the realization that I had been so caught up in my own life and problems I didn't know anything going on with those close to me. Esme finally finding somebody who would be good to her, Rose's honey moon, and Alice and Jasper. The wedding seemed like years ago, not five weeks.

''That's brilliant, Esme.'' I beamed. ''When are the two love birds getting back?''

''March seventh.'' Alice answered. ''They wanted to be back for your birthday, Esme.'' Esme's birthday was on the ninth. ''I'm so happy for you, mom.''

''It's still early days, now, enough of my life, Bella, does Edward know?''

I nodded .''We're trying to make it work, for the baby, but it's complicated, Esme, there's Andrew to think about-''

''What about you? How do you feel?''

''I really like him.'' I muttered, blushing crimson. ''I mean, more than I should, more than he likes me.''

''That's hard to believe, Bella.'' Alice smiled then turned to Esme. ''He has me tell him whenever she's sick, then he text's her, but she left her phone at home today.''

No, I left it at your house, that place, while comforting to have Alice there, was not my home.

''Aw, but now, on to the more pressing issue, Bella, did you use protection?''

Oh dear god no she didn't just say that. My face flamed and I started coughing. ''Yes, Esme.'' I cleared my throat. ''It never was a hundred percent going to work, of course I would be in the unlucky percent.''

''Oh well naturally, next time maybe just take extra precautions-''

I needed this to stop, like now. ''So Alice, how are you and Jasper going?''

Alice grinned like the Cheshire cat from her own little wonderland. ''I love him, and he loves me, we told each other last week, he kept me waiting long enough.'' She huffed, crossing her arms and looking away, faking hurt.

''Alice you've known each other five weeks.''

''It's amazing, isn't it? On the day our best friend finally ties the knot to that big oaf, we all find _the one_.''

I didn't like what she just said, I felt another bout of nausea, this time, I don't think it was morning sickness.

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**EPOV(Edward)**

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Andrew hobbled up the stairs when he was done eating, his crutches clicking all the way.

I sighed, he was in a mood, I was planning to give him his car tomorrow, something to look forward to when he got his cast off, but I will just wait until Friday, it may be cruel to give it to him when he can't drive it, but he will survive.

Probably.

I put my head in my hands and groaned even more when I remembered Friday night, when I had told Andrew. . .

_I had just gotten back from my date with Bella, Andrew was in the living room, flicking through the channels, not deciding on a particular one._

_I decided to go in for the kill._

''_You remember Em's wedding?'' I should have continued, of course he remembered it, but I couldn't bring myself up to it._

''_Yes, I stayed with granddad.'' He nodded, looking at me with wide eyes._

''_Well, that night, I-I met someone.''_

''_I don't need to know about everyone who you _meet_.'' He glared at me slightly._

_I shook my head, grabbing the remote and shutting off the TV. ''She is my girlfriend know this is not the right time to be telling you this, but I thought you should know-''_

''_Wait.'' He cut me off. ''But I remember that night, the only girls you spoke to was Rose, Alice, and, Ms. Swan.''_

_I think that's when it hit him, his breath hitched. ''No.'' he shook his head. ''You're not sleeping with my teacher.''_

''_Andrew!'' I exclaimed, okay, he was fifteen, basically sixteen, he knew what happened behind closed doors, but he shouldn't say it, plus, he didn't know the whole story. ''She wasn't technically her teacher when we met.''_

''_But she is now, she has been for a month, you're sleeping with my teacher.'' He repeated._

''_Look, it's not like that, it's complicated, okay? Would you? Do you want to meet her?'' I knew the chances were slim, but I had to ask, I couldn't not ask._

''_I'll see her tomorrow.'' He said bitterly. ''In English class.''_

''_There are complications, Andrew, I really like Ms. Swan, er, Bella, and she likes me too, and I know it's awkward for you, and in a different situation, we wouldn't be together because you should come first.'' Though I would want to be with her, no doubt about that. ''There are some. . .other factors to take into account.''_

_He scoffed. ''What is she pregnant?''_

_I think he expected me to deny it, I was planning on telling him with Bella, but I wasn't about to lie to him, and he was not happy, judging by the horrified expression on his face._

''_She is pregnant, isn't she?'' he was quiet, looking down, his head hung. ''You met her at the wedding, was it then?''_

_I sighed. ''Yes, Andrew, She means a lot to me, and we're trying to make it work, for the sake of the baby-''_

_He flinched at the word, grabbing his crutches and heading upstairs, it took all I had not to follow him, but he needed time to process this, to think it through._

_My mind was a painful blur, like I had been listening to music too loud for too long. And there was only one person who could fix this, I didn't realize how late it had gotten, I hoped I didn't wake her, but it was too late to turn back._

_''Hello.'' She answered, her voice fluttered throughout my head, think with sleep but clear as Bells._

_''Bella? I'm sorry if I woke you, I shouldn't have called-'' I quickly ranted._

_''It's fine.'' She cut me off mid rant, her voice wavered slightly._

_''What's wrong?'' I was about to say nothing was wrong, but of course something was, why else would I be ringing her at one in the morning?_

_''Andrew's just . . .Being Andrew.'' I sighed, I needed to talk to him, he should have spoken to me instead of just running off, but he wasn't thinking clearly, it had been a long night._

_''Tell me everything.'' Her voice was soft, comforting, she actually wanted to listen._

''_I told Andrew-'' I don't think she heard me, because the next minute there was rustling and I heard retching._

_And the phone line went dead._

_I immediately typed a number I knew._

''_Hell.'' The voice answered, cracking slightly, I chuckled._

''_Well, hell to you to Alice.''_

''_Eapward?'' she muttered. ''It's too early.'' She yawned._

''_It's too late.'' I said, butterfly's fluttering their way into my stomach. ''Look I need you to check on Bella, I think she's sick.''_

''_What?'' she was more alert now. ''Shit, it's probably morning sickness.''_

_I breathed out. ''Tell me if she's okay, and would you mind texting me if she gets sick again? I'll try get away from Andrew.'' I knew he was perfectly capable of being alone for a few hours, but I didn't want to leave him right now, any other night and it would have been better, but not right now._

''_If you want to be here, be here.''_

''_I can't, Alice, I just told Andrew about me and Bella, and he's not happy, I don't think I should leave the house right now.'' The last thing I needed was for him to know I was gone, he'd no it was to see Bella, and he would be angry, and I didn't want him doing anything stupid._

_Alice went on a rant, trying to convince me to go to Bella, while she herself got ready to go in and help Bella, but I wouldn't budge._

''_He knows about the baby.'' I said._

_That shut her up._

''_Tell Bella by Monday, or I will.''_

''_Okay.'' I nodded though she couldn't see me. ''But just, whenever this happens, when she's sick, tell me, please?''_

_She sighed. ''I will.''_

_And that was the end of that._

_She hung up and I was left with my heart and ears pounding._

I decided to call Bella before it got too late, it was eight PM, she answered on the second ring.

''Edward?'' she sounded relaxed, she sighed, like she wanted me to call. I had to admit, her voice was soothing to me.

''Look, Bella, I have to tell you, Andrew knows everything. . .''

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**APOV(Andrew)**

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I lay on my bed on top of the covers with the fabric clenched between my fingers, not knowing what made me do that, storm away.

Every time I storm away, or shout, or anything, it felt right at the time, but at times like this, I just don't know what compelled my muscles to betray me and run, a flight reflex, one it seemed I couldn't control.

Some part of me seemed like I should have stayed on Friday and talked to dad, just told him a snippet of how I felt, but all I felt right then was rage, and every time I come up here I calm down, and convince myself to back down and talk to him, tell him it's okay, but then I see him.

Happy, well, happier than I've seen him recently.

And then all hell broke loose in my head, and I'm angry, and I can't help it. Because at least he's normal, and I'm not, not by a long shot.

Since it was Sunday I decided to do my homework, English first, because somehow the prospect of getting in trouble by Bel-er, Ms. Swan suddenly churned my stomach, I clamped my eyes shut, breathe in, and then I eventually breathed out, when my lungs burned and my face was redder than my walls.

I needed to talk to someone.

Not like a therapist, but just someone. And not about dad, or this Tanya person whom was never really my mother, but just about everything else.

I am surprised dad doesn't know, I'm surprised no one in the family knows, they're all really observant, dad would have noticed, I'm just too good at hiding it to notice.

Though it's not like I have to hide it too much, really. I thought about the one other thing I had to hide, and my right index finger traced the jagged scar on my left arm.

It was only an inch long, and it wasn't very deep. I had done it at Christmas, just to see what it was like, I hadn't liked it very much, there was the trickle of blood, and of course I had to wear long sleeves so no one would see it. Plus, it was all annoying and irritating for two weeks afterward.

I held my English book in my hands, clenching it tightly, my jaw clenched, I held back the tears, I shouldn't cry, I was sixteen, too old to cry over something so stupid like my dad being happy and normal, or being depressed, or the gaping hole in my chest that pressed me down.

Then one traitorous tear leaked from my eye and it caused the rest to escape. And I hated myself for it.

I hated everything about myself, my red hair, my weird eyes, the scar on my arm, the scar I had in me, but most of all I hated the words written all over my English copy, I don't know who had written them, and I don't think I wanted to know, mainly, because those words were true, all of them.

And I don't want them to be true, I don't want to live like this, I don't want to be me.

It's not like I had much choice in _living_ this way.

Or did I?

**Forgive and forget about any and all spelling and grammar mistakes, this is an unedited chapter. Sorry it's late, RL has been . . .bad lately. Is anyone still out there? Thank you to all who reviewed, please do it again, it will distract me from my life and just Thank you ;)xxx**

**-DDG93**


	9. Chapter 9

_**Internal love**_

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_**Chapter 9**_

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_**BPOV(Bella)**_

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_**Rose-24, Emmett-25, Bella-26, Edward-30, Alice-28, Jasper-25,Carlisle-49, Esme-39, Andrew-15**_

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_**Sunday, February 9th, 2014**_

When we were done talking and Esme had stopped crying and singing that she was going to be a grandmother Alice and I left, hugging Esme and saying we would visit soon. I saw the sadness on her face at that. We had to visit her, and she hated it. I was happy she was getting out some though, with Carlisle.

I just wandered around the house when I got to the house, and I corrected some English papers, not really having anything to do, then it hit me that in eight months I would have something to do, all day, every day. I was of course talking about the baby, what else would I be talking about?

Definitely not Edward, no, nope, no.

My mind couldn't even go there, of course that was when Edward decided to call. I felt myself sigh and my body relax some.

''Edward?''

''Look, Bella, I have to tell you, Andrew knows everything. You and me, how we met, the baby.''

It certainly was a startling opening statement, I'll admit. I was frozen for a minute, I somehow managed to find my way upstairs to my bed, where I was now lying on my bed, phone clutched in my hand, eyes wide.

''Bella, you there?'' His voice was worried. When I didn't answer, he continued. ''Right, I'm going to call Alice.''

''No.'' I quickly jumped in. ''I'm here, I just . . .don't feel well.''

''Are you going to be sick? We should call Alice.'' He rambled.

''Edward.'' I said lowly. ''Shut up.''

''Sorry.'' He chuckled. ''I'm just . . .I don't know what to think.''

''What happened?''

''I told him about us, and, well, it wasn't good, he kind of just said 'What is she, pregnant?' and I couldn't lie to him. He wasn't happy, I try talk to him and he just explodes, I don't know how to handle him, I thought I did, I remember what is was like to be fifteen, and hell if he came home and told me he was going to be a dad I would handle it better than this. I don't know what's wrong with him.''

''I think he's just lonely, Edward, someone needs to talk to him. Do you think. .?'' I was about to ask, but cut myself off, not really wanting to go there, not really knowing if it was my place to say.

''Think what? Bella?''

''Nothing.''

''It wasn't nothing.'' He pressed. ''tell me.''

''Is he . . .depressed? It might me a real possibility, have you noticed much change in his behaviour recently?''

He was silent for a minute, his breath thick and heavy over the phone. ''You think he might me depressed?''

''It's just a suggestion, Edward, not a fact.'' I twirled my hair on my finger nervously. ''In the month I've been teaching him, he hasn't smiled once, but neither have a few other people, he could just really hate English.'' I rushed out as an afterthought.

''He doesn't really smile anymore.'' He mused. ''That doesn't mean he's depressed.''

''No.'' I said. ''It doesn't. Does he have any hobbies? Things he has stopped doing in the last year?''

''Not really, he used to go out a lot in middle school with one of his friends, Alec, but Alec's dad was transferred to Italy when he started high school, and he hasn't gone out since.''

''Like at all?''

''No, oh god, I have to be the worst father ever.''

''Okay, stop that now, Edward, some teenagers are just like that, they won't talk to you. Did I ever tell you about Leah?''

''Leah? The crazy girl who tried to turn Rose's dress red? And happens to be Emmett's ex?''

''Yes her, she wasn't always crazy you know, she used to be a sweet girl, she fell in love with the wrong guy, is all. Remember Sam? I told you about him and Paul, Sam and Leah were going out, but he couldn't hide his sexuality anymore and broke it off with her. When he turned into Emily, she was heartbroken. She was so distraught she tried to kill herself. Her dad, Harry Clearwater, found her, and saved her, but he had a heart attack that same day, the stress got to him.''

''That must have been awful. Did Leah blame herself?'' his voice held remorse.

''Yes.'' I said sadly. ''We all tried to convince her otherwise, but she just got angry at us.'' I sighed. ''Okay, so, much later that year Leah's mother, Sue, fell for my dad and that next year they got married. Leah had a little brother, Seth. I love Seth like a brother, he's sixteen now and when our parents died, since Leah was twenty, she got Seth. And she won't let me see him.'' I was holding back the tears, trying to not remember the last time I had even thought about Seth or Leah, Sure his name ran through my head at the wedding, but I pushed it back it was just too painful.

I started talking again before he could. ''Look, my point is, teenagers are weird, if they want to ignore you, they will, if they want something, most of them, will do a lot to get it. Some of us, Leah example, never grow up. She never liked that our parents married, and as punishment, I never get to see Seth, it doesn't make sense, but it's life. But you, Edward, have grown up; we're all going to make mistakes. My hand is on my stomach right now by the way, but we learn from them. You have done nothing wrong with rising Andrew, you raised him right, he just has problems.''

''But shouldn't I know his problems?'' he whispered. ''What Leah is doing isn't fair, keeping Seth from you.''

''I know.'' Tears threatened. ''I have dealt with it, I'm okay, but that's not the problem here, Edward. We need to talk to him, you need to talk to him. I'm looking out for him, but I can't see any people harassing him, has there been any more incidents?''

''No, thankfully, there has been no more injury's.'' he sighed. ''I'm going to go try talk to him.''

''Okay.'' I said. ''Let me know how it goes.'' I said.

''Bye, Bella.''

''Goodnight Edward.''

''Bye mini you.''

''It's a mini you, don't mess with me on this.''

He chuckled. ''Sorry, buy you too.'' He said before hanging up and I let the phone slip from my grasp, it bounced onto the bed and fell to the floor.

I had started feeling sick halfway through my Leah story, and it was catching up with me now. I lay my head down on the pillow and rolled over, trying to put off the nausea.

But I knew it wasn't really the nausea that got me, it was Seth. I had missed him for years, it got to a point where I could just forget about Leah and Seth, the two people I had lived with for a year, who I thought of as my family. I had tried to fight to see Seth. He was only seven at the time and too young to really know much. I even missed Leah some, not as much. Maybe if she had let me see Seth, if she kept in touch, if she wasn't so bitter.

Yeah, if. Edward said he liked me, the day of the parent teacher meetings he was going to ask me out. If I wasn't pregnant, would we be together? Though there wasn't much use in thinking it, because I am pregnant.

I hugged a pillow to my chest, still willing the nausea away. I knew that if I had this baby, if I didn't lose it, if I had the baby, it would change everything. For the better of course, but it would still change everything.

I knew this, now; I just had to accept it.

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**EPOV(Edward)**

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I ended the call with Bella and sat there for a moment, thinking about how much she had already changed my life, and how much more she was going to change my life. But I shook my head, I had time to marvel at how lucky I was for Bella to like me as much as I love her.

I froze, right there, it was like a mind slip, it was a slip of the mind. I did not love Bella, it was impossible I had known her a little over a month, and we hadn't even been dating a week.

I just needed to breathe.

To distract myself from not loving Bella I stopped putting off the unavoidable dreaded conversation with Andrew and got up, my steps echoed off the floor with every step. Every measured, unavoidable step. When I got to his door, the same door all over the house, it suddenly seemed to glare at me. I took a breath, I could do this.

I knocked.

Silence.

''Andrew.'' I called eventually after I tried the door handle, locked. ''Andrew, open the door, we need to talk.''

The silence with followed nearly drove me up the wall, but I tried to remain calm. ''Are you okay? I know it's a lot to take in, hell when I found out I ran away for a minute to cool down. But you . ..have to talk to me, Andrew, just . . .give me some sign you're okay.''

The next minute there was a heavy thump on the door, oddly like a shoe being thrown. ''One thump means no, Andrew, two means yes.'' A second later there was another thump, I cracked a smile, yes, he was okay.

It's not like I really believed that of course, Andrew needed some help, but I couldn't force him to talk to someone. Only he could, so translation, he will never talk. It will all come out sometime soon though, it always does.

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**Internal Love**

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_**Monday, February 10th, 2014 **_

_**5:11 a.m.**_

I woke up to Taylor Swift's song, 'Fifteen.' Emmett's name and picture flashing across the screen. Why had he personally changed his ringtone to fifteen? Id like to say I had the energy at Five in the morning to turn it off straight away, but unfortunately it got to the line "Hoping one of those senior boy's will wink at you and say 'you know I haven't seen you around before'"

I think I may be scarred for a while.

''What?'' I groaned into the phone.

''I haven't spoken to my big brother in weeks and that's how you great me? Well.'' He huffed.

''Emmett, time difference, It's five a.m.''

''Oops . . .''

''Whatever, I'm up now.''

''Good, me and Rosie are coming home on march seventh, I've already spoken to dad, we're having a party at yours on the ninth, it's Esme's birthday.''

''Esme as in Alice's mother?''

''Yes, and dad's girlfriend.''

''His what?'' I sounded completely dumfounded, dad had a girlfriend, a person who my girlfriend thought of as a mother, , ,

''Oops. . .''

''Emmett. It's fine, I'm sure he was going to tell me . . .Why at my house?''

''It's big, Rose has been talking to Alice and Bella, and is there something you want to tell me?'' he was smirking, I could tell.

''Oh my god, they told you Bella's pregnant?'' I almost fell off the bed, and it didn't help much when the line went eerily quiet.

''Holy fucking shit balls on a stick dipped in fudge cake.'' He breathed. ''Edward, you knocked up Belly?''

''What did they tell you?'' I was such an idiot, I was never going to live this down.

''It was Alice really, she said you guys were dating . . . fuck, bro, shit, like, what?''

''You are making no sense.''

''When did you and Bella get it on?''

''Emmett really?''

''Yep.''

''Your wedding.''

''Fuck, really?''

''Yeah.''

''Well shit.'' He laughed. ''The Cullen men were on a roll that day, I got hitched Carlisle found a woman, and we both got pregnant.''

''What?'' I sat up straighter.

''What?'' he was confused.

''You said _we both got pregnant. .._''

''Oops . . .''

''Is Rose?''

''Don't tell her I told you, were waiting, we don't want to tell people if she loses it or something, she won't be able to take it, especially if anyone knows.''

I had an incoming call. ''I need to tell dad, too, look Em, I have a call, it's the station, must be important.''

''Okay, I'll call you later so people can all hear Taylor sing again.''

''How did you change that?'' I laughed.

''I have my ways.'' He departed then, and I answered my call waiting.

It was officer Peter, asking me to come into the station early for a while, I explained how I couldn't as I had t take Andrew to school, but apparently they had been trying to call me for a while and Alice was already there.

''I've asked Bella to take Andrew, just trust me, I have this feeling, they need to talk, Edward, and this is really important, it's in Bella's case, but we can't let the information out to anyone, not even her until later, just trust me and come down to the station, it's big Edward.'' She whispered this last part. ''I think I know something that happened, it affects you and Bella, even Andrew, and other people, trust me.''

She didn't have to ask me again, I got dressed in my uniform, and then I remembered I had to tell Andrew Bella was going to get him.

Damn it Alice, no matter what she says, I don't know how this could turn out to be better.

His door was locked, and there was no way he would open it, so I went out of the house, silently thankful that there was a tree outside his window, one which was, I wouldn't say easy, really, but it wasn't too bad. His window creaked slightly while I was opening it, and I was half way in the window when he bolted upright in the bed.

''Dad, what in the hell are you doing?'' His voice was think with Sleep so he cleared his throat.

''Sneaking in your window.'' I rolled my eyes, landing in a heap on his floor and straightening up.

''Thirty year old man sneaks in teenage boy's bedroom, I can see the headlines now.'' He deadpanned. ''Do you know how perverted that sounds?''

''Andrew.'' I groaned. ''don't make this situation worse, I needed to talk to you, I have to go to work so I got someone to drive you to school, be ready for half seven.''

''Who?''

''Er, you see, Andrew, I think you really need to get to know. . .''

''Not Ms Swan, dad, really?''

''I'm sorry, Andrew, er, I think you guys should talk?'' My voice was firm as I walked to his door and unlocked it.

''Tell Alice I am not happy.'' He called, I smiled bit.

''I will.'' I assured. ''Please don't lock your door.''

He made no such promise. Sigh. I hoped this would help, not make anything worse.

Teenagers, so unpredictable.

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**BPOV(Bella)**

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''So Andrew.'' I cleared my throat, shifting in my seat. ''How are you?''

''Not pregnant.'' His eyes were serious. ''How about you?''

''I can't say the same I'm afraid.'' I paused. ''At least you're not pregnant, that would cause some awkward questions.''

He laughed, I glanced at him a moment, my truck wheezing under me, wondering if it was real or not, he seemed, kind of happy?

''Well yes.'' He nodded. ''That would cause some questions.''

The silence which followed was awkward, the most awkward silence I had ever experienced in my life.

''Right.'' I sighed, pulling into the side of the road. ''Here we are.''

He quirked an eye brow. ''You park around the block from the school.''

''No, I let you off a block from the school, unless you want people to see the new English teacher dropping you off.''

He smiled. ''You're not as bad as I thought you were going to be, for someone who is carrying my dad's spawn.''

''You do realize that you are also your dad's spawn? Plus, I was a teenager before, you know?''

''When, like last year?'' he muttered.

I laughed. ''Try seven, I'll em, see you around.''

He looked at me with a strange expression on his face, and got out, he was walking away and didn't look back, when the sudden wave of nausea hit me, and I got out of the car and was thankful that there was bushes nearby.

I know Andrew heard me; I didn't blame him for not turning back.

**There will be drama next chapter, something I think none of you will expect. Are people still reading? Sorry for being late with an update! Thank you ;)xxx**

**-DDG93**


	10. Chapter 10

_**Internal love**_

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_**Chapter 10**_

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_**EPOV(Edward)**_

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_**Rose-24, Emmett-25, Bella-26, Edward-30, Alice-28, Jasper-25,Carlisle-49, Esme-39, Andrew-15**_

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_**Monday, February 10th, 2014**_

"Alice, really, what was so important?'' I said impatiently, I had come into work, and Alice had dragged me to the back room, one used to interrogate people.

''Jacob Black.'' She said, then paused, I froze, keeping my composure. ''Has Bella told you about him?''

I felt myself nodding, my heart painfully beating faster my the second. ''Alice, what about him?''

She sighed, leaning against the gray table. ''In December, very late December, Jacob and twenty other inmates were being moved, there was a new guard that got to close, and all I know is that he was stabbed and the other guard was shot. Jacob, and five other inmates escaped, they were eventually cached, the next day, new year's, all but one, Jacob, Edward, he's out there. It was on the news the day of the wedding, and the next, but it was in Seattle, and the prison desperately tried to keep the media away. It took them a while to actually tell Bella he had escaped.''

''Wait, Bella knows he's out there?'' I was outraged, hurt, didn't she trust me?

''That's the thing.'' Alice said, worried. ''They only left her a message, on her house phone, the one in her house under inspection. She never got the message, she has no idea. Jacob was spotted in New York, we were notified. I think. . . I think he's come back for her.''

I couldn't speak for a moment, my arms crossed, I processed the information. ''What makes you think that?''

She reached her hand out onto the table, where I was now only noticing a case file, what Alice showed me was shocking. It was a prison cell, a mattress cut open to revel a wooden panel, thin, and full of pictures, a collage, of Bella.

''You see this one.'' Alice took out another photo, this time just of the collage. She pointed to a picture of Bella sitting on a pink couch, flushed and laughing. ''This is my hand, right in the corner.'' Alice pointed to a small pale hand. ''This was last June Edward.''

''Are you sure.'' I spluttered, that only meant Bella was being followed, by someone who was taking pictured of her and giving them to a bastard. ''How can you remember?''

''The shop.'' She muttered. ''That god awful couch, we were at a dress shop, Rose had just tried on this horrendous wedding dress-me and Bella were laughing our asses off.'' she stopped, letting me take it in. ''Jacob kept a journal. Bella always thought Jacob loved his wife, and she was just his.'' Alice stopped, shivering slightly.

''His what?'' I asked. ''Alice, his what?''

''His whore.'' She whispered. ''I told her she wasn't, she was guilty for being part of breaking up a marriage, she's over it now.'' She added on. ''Anyway, Bella is currently convinced He loved his wife more than he did her.''

''You don't?''

She shook her head. ''I have thought about this a lot. Jacob wanted a child, bad, I was just wondering, what if he got Bella pregnant, purposely?''

''And then Nessie killed the child.'' I realized. ''And he hates her, and Bella is still good, Bella is still the mother of his dead child.'' Horror washed over me, my throat clenched and I tried to breathe, it was hard.

''No matter how much of an idiot bustard that guy is, he lost a child too, one he wanted for years, he went crazy, beat up his wife. Bella's in danger. We have to tell her, when we have all this sorted, later today.''

''Later? Alice, Bella is in danger, he could be stalking her as we speak''

''She's fine, he won't go as public as a school.''

I still felt uneasy about it, I felt the strange, undying need to protect Bella, and my child, whom one again, brought me back to Bella.

I wasn't able to say anything else for the moment, as Alice's radio went off.

''There has been a possible Jacob sighting.'' She said quickly, I gathered up the case file and followed her out. ''I feel bad that we know this and Bella doesn't, but it's only for a few hours, it can't be too bad.'' She muttered.

Yes it could, of course it could.

''Holy fuck.'' Alice muttered. ''I knew this address sounded familiar, damn it, that's Leah Clearwater's house, I hate that woman.''

''Me too.'' I agreed, though I did hate her, she hurt Bella, badly, I had to be professional about this, she might have seen Jacob, a possible psychopath who is obsessed with Bella.

''This seems weird, there's something fishy about this.'' I agreed with Alice, this couldn't be a coincidence.

We walked to the door. ''Did Leah ever meet Jacob?''

''On occasion, Bella's step father was a major league baseball player, Phil Dwyer, he didn't have any kids, left his fortune to Bella, she had money and fought to see Seth, even only once a week, Jacob went to try convince Leah to let Bella see him, not long after that Bella lost her baby, she dropped the case, she just couldn't fight it anymore. Bella just gave up, she stopped fighting. It was quite depressing.''

My brow furrowed as Alice rang the doorbell. ''Bella seems fine.'' She might look occasionally slightly depressed, but it wasn't bad.

Alice looked up at me and smiled slightly. ''You don't know the Bella I do, Edward, she put on a brave face for the wedding, and she's seemed . . .happier . . .recently.''

It was the way she looked at me that told me, Bella was happy now, because of me. The thought warmed me, and my heart sped up.

''FINALLY!''

We were both startled by the outburst, standing there with her hands on her hip, a trickle of blood, half dried on her forehead, was Leah. ''I called an hour ago, you can literally get pizza delivered faster.''

''Leah, are you okay? You're bleeding.'' Alice inquired, ignoring her snide remark.

''Oh my god, yes.'' She rolled her eyes but linked her hands together. ''But I really did call an hour ago, used my neighbours, phone,_ he_ took mine, and my car keys, Seth will be home soon, I couldn't go to the station, I need to be here when he gets home.''

''May we come in?'' Alice said, stepping forward, Leah let us through and brought us to her kitchen.

''You called about a possible sighting of Jacob Black?'' I asked, I noticed her hand shaking slightly.

She glared. ''There is no possible about it, I came home and he was in my house.''

We were told about a possible Jacob sighting, not breaking and entering, or, judging my Leah, assault.

''We're going to need an official statement at the station.'' Alice said.

An angry expression crossed Leah's face. ''I can't, I have to be here when Seth gets home, shouldn't you be out there looking for him?'' she glared.

''We have other officers on it.'' I said. ''Do you need to go to the hospital?''

''No I'm fine, I'll go later if I must.'' She waved us off.

We sat down at the table, Alice was taking note of everything said.

''Okay, tell us exactly what happened.''

''I came home, I only had a half day of work.''

''And what do you do?'' Alice inquired.

Leah made an annoyed sound. ''You know what I do.''

''Leah, please.''

''I'm a Lawyer. I got home, and everything seemed normal, no broken doors and windows, but I knew something was wrong, I had my phone and my keys in my hand, had set them down on the table and then I saw him, before I knew it he had knocked me over and I hit my head. I pretended to be passed out, and he panicked and left, talking my phone and keys, I ran to my neighbour's house and called the police.'' She gave us her licence plate. Looking worried.

''Are you sure it was Jacob you saw.'' I hoped she would be a hundred percent sure, I wanted to nail this ass.

''Yes.'' She insisted. ''Really, I saw him a lot with Bella at the custody trials.''

I clamped my eyes shut, I had almost, _almost _forgotten. Bella had sounded so broken on the phone. I had hated Leah even more. She had dated Emmett for three months, I had met Seth, he was a good kid, though he seemed pretty sad and broken, Bella had never been mentioned in those three months, I don't think Leah even told Emmett Bella's name, it was fucked up, the whole situation was.

The door jingled and opened, Leah jumped up and greeted her brother, who stated shouting in alarm when he saw the blood.

We asked Leah some more questions, which she answered once she calmed Seth down and sent him to his room. We had a lot of work to do. We interviewed her neighbour, who she borrowed the phone from, and asked around if anyone had heard anything, they hadn't. no one had seen Jacob, and the other officers didn't find him either, he had slipped right through our fingers.

I was depressed and worried, what if he went after Bella? I couldn't even call her and ask if she's okay because I know she has a class right now, but I didn't need to call her.

Alice had a phone call, so she walked away and started talking, before hanging up, saying thank you and running back to me, her eyes brimming with tears.

''Alice, what is it?'' I was panicking thinking something was wrong with Bella, she was looking at me like there was and my heart broke.

''That was Angelia, our friend, she works with Bella, she didn't have your phone number, come on, we have to go to the hospital, it's Bella.''

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**BPOV(Bella)**

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My stomach was fluttering around, I was nervous, something was wrong.

I had felt a twinge of pain in my stomach, like a cramp, it happened for two seconds, twice in the first class, I had a free second class, I googled it. Some mild cramping was normal in some pregnancy's, I still felt uneasy. But I wasn't spotting or anything. Thank god.

The third mild cramp which wasn't so mind happened at the worst time. Middle of class. Andrews class. I was sitting down, because I was scared of standing, when I got what felt like the worse cramp ever. I gasped, my hand going down to clutch my stomach.

The pain didn't stop. Something was wrong, really wrong. I gritted my teeth together and put my hands on the side of the chair, beside my legs shifting slightly.

Then, my heart stopped.

My desk I was sitting behind was down to the ground, so no one could see, but I felt the dropping.

My hand went down white.

And came up red.

I left it under the table, not wanting to alarm a class full of fifteen and sixteen year old children.

The smell of blood hit me full force, I felt queasy, light headed.

''Ms. Swan, are you alright?'' One girl, Tracy asked, her brown eyes wide. I looked around my active class, who had erupted in talking amongst one another, only four of them had noticed something was wrong. One of them was Andrew, he looked worried. And others were catching on.

''Tracy,'' I said. ''Please Get Mrs. Chaney, tell her Ms Swan need's her.''

The girl nodded and got up, coming back two minutes later with Angelia. Angelia, Rose, Alice and I had gone out drinking a few times, she was nice, and I knew I could trust her.

Angelia pushed her glasses up her face, coming in and walking over to me, looking at me with a grief stricken face.

''Are you okay? Tracy said something was wrong.''

''Could you get my class out of here.'' The pain was coming back and I couldn't deal with a class right now.

''What?''

I indicated for her to come down to me, and she did.

''I'm ten weeks pregnant tomorrow, I can explain later, but something's wrong, I'm bleading, badly, Ang, just get my class out of here.''

Her eyes flickered down, down to where there was some blood. She nodded and stood back up again.

She took my class away.

And came back.

I was looking for my phone, it was in my bag, but I couldn't find it anywhere.

''I'm calling an ambulance.''

''I don't want an ambulance.'' I argued, but I was still looking in my bag and I knew she wouldn't listen.''

''I'm coming with you.'' She said. ''They'll be here soon, who should I call? Is there a father? Or Alice? Esme?''

''I need to call him.'' I rushed, out, my heart sinking, tears streaming down my face. I found my phone. Dead.

''Call Alice.'' I said, she didn't have Edward's number and I didn't know Edward's off by heart. Angelia was calm on the outside but I knew she was dying on the inside, she had to be. I tried not to make a move, not wanting to make this worse whenever I moved the pain intensified, I was scared to breathe. I put my head in my hands. Deep down I knew this would happen, that I was the problem, that I couldn't have a baby. That I wouldn't be able to carry a baby to term, I should have been okay with this, I should have been prepared.

But I wasn't.

And I knew Edward wasn't either.

I needed him right now.

Simple.

**So sorry this is so late, it is also un edited, I will edit it tomorrow but it's late now and I wanted to get it out, thank you. ;)xxx**

**-DDG93**


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